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"Eerily Plausible"                             A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic Series
by Douglas MacDougall                  http://www.dougmacd.net/fanworks/
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  Ranma 1/2 (c) Rumiko Takahashi / Shogakukan, Inc.  Story and art by   
  Rumiko Takahashi.  English adaptation by Gerard Jones and Toshifumi   
  Yoshida.  RANMA 1/2 is a trademark of Viz Communications, Inc.  This  
  story may be freely redistributed, but not altered or used for profit.

  For Mature Readers.

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Part 2:  Mother of Pervert                                              
------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    Two irate young women walked through the front gates of the Tendo
home.  "Man, it's too hot for this!"  Ranma unbuttoned the front of her
shirt, fanning her exposed chest.  "And thanks to you, I didn't even get
any ice cream!"  She scowled at Akane.

    The other girl returned the expression.  "What are you talking
about?  You probably ate five scoops worth of ice cream from the
samples!  If you'd just ordered something instead of MOANING in front of
the ice cream guy this wouldn't have happened!!"

    "Hey!  I wasn't doing that!"  She opened the front door, walking
into the house.  "Is it MY fault he wanted to give me some free samples?
Man, and that frozen banana looked like it would have been good, too." 
She licked her lips.

    "Ranma!" she growled, coiling back her fist.

    "Ah, high-spirited Akane."  The two teenagers turned their glares
away from each other and came upon a sight never before seen by martial
artist eyes.  Happosai was in his room reclining on a pillow, holding a
tall glass of iced tea with a little paper parasol.  He wore sandals,
bright pastel swimming trunks, a Hawaiian print shirt, and a pair of
stylish sunglasses.

    He took a sip from the tea and faced the girls, pushing the glasses
on top of his head.  "You remind me so much of your dear, departed
mother."  The shriveled up man sighed wistfully.

    Akane blinked.  "You knew my mother?"

    "But of course!  Who could forget her beauty, her charm?  Sweet,
like dear Kasumi; intelligent, like fair Nabiki; and violent like lively
Akane."

    Ranma chuckled.  "No way!  Akane's mom was as violent as HER?"  She
sat down in the pervert's room by the window, trying to catch a breeze.

    Akane took a seat next to Ranma.  "Mother was NOT violent!" she
huffed.

    "Oh, of course she was, at least in her youth.  She began to calm
down after you children were born.  I remember visiting her a year after
she gave birth to Nabiki.  Kasumi was a little terror, squealing and
giggling, tearing through the house.  No doubt it took a lot of your
mother's energy to keep her under control."  Happosai chuckled fondly.

    "She couldn't very well bash little Kasumi over the head with that
shinai of hers, could she?  She used it to keep Soun in line, but Kasumi
forced the more motherly tendencies out of her."

    "What?  Mom never hit Dad.  That's crazy!"

    "She stopped shortly before you were born.  As much as Soun loved
your mother, she had something of a stubborn streak, and perhaps a
little bit of jealousy..."

    Ranma wisely kept quiet.

    "...Which did not mix well with her violent tendencies.  She was not
martially trained, but she had great deal of spirit, limitless
endurance, and a good deal of imagination.  Be thankful that she used
that bamboo sword on your father instead of a katana!

	"Yes, your mother was like an intense flame, burning brightly with
the fires of life.  Your father saw that energy and was drawn to it like
a moth.  Unfortunately, as the saying goes, if you come too close to the
flame, you get burned.  Normally, Soun didn't mind; a few 'burns' were
no price to remain in the presence of the beautiful light, but...

    "Well, as I said, she was like a flame.  Sometimes trivial things,
like motes floating in the air, would be consumed by her fire.  And as
they burned up, they would make her flame burn even brighter for a time,
burning even the most wary moth.

    "And so, to escape her occasional jealous rage-- (er) fits, he would
go on... training missions.  Not long; only to give your mother time to
cool down.  But of course, as he was not around to see her, he could
only guess if enough time had passed."

    "You seriously expect me to buy this?  Mother wasn't some insanely
jealous woman!  And Dad certainly never ran away from her.  She was
gentle and..."

    "Akane.  How little you know."  Happosai shook his head.  "How do
you think your father and Genma met?"  He pointed at her, accusing,
"They were both hiding from their wives!"

    Ranma failed to stifle the chuckle that came out of her mouth, but
stopped at Akane's glare.  "That's not true; they met in a bar and
became drinking buddies."

    Happosai rolled his eyes.  "Yes yes, they met in a bar.  DURING
their respective 'training missions'.  They were both drowning
themselves in sake, bemoaning their violent wives.

    "Of course, they formed something of an instant mutual support
group: weak-willed martial artists and the violent women they loved.  I
couldn't believe it when I heard it.  Here, these two losers had
beautiful wives that loved them dearly, and they ran away from them.  A
real man wouldn't run from a woman!  He'd face her like a man."

    Ranma interrupted, "Yeah, right!  You're ALWAYS running from women
who want to beat you up, you old fart.  What would YOU know about facing
a woman like a man?"

    "I don't run AWAY!  I lead them on.  Surely you can appreciate what
it's like to be pursued by dozens of pretty girls, Ranma?"  Happosai
grinned lecherously, wiggling his eyebrows.

    "And when they catch me, even though I could easily escape or tap
all their shiatsu sleep spots, I let them beat me, a harmless little old
man.  If it makes them feel better, who am I to complain about a little
mauling?"

    Akane shivered at the prospect of Happosai hitting a bunch of school
girls' sleep spots.  He could do it.  And then he could do whatever he
wanted with their unconscious forms...  She shuddered violently with the
thought.

    "Back in those days, I was a wandering martial artist, honing my
skills, travelling from town to town."

    "I think you mean being chased out of every town."

    Happosai hit Ranma on the head with a pipe, causing her to wince and
hold her head.  "Who's telling this story, boy?  You keep quiet."

    "As I was saying, I traveled from town to town, admiring the
beauties in (er, that is) beauty of each."  He glanced at Ranma, as if
daring her to speak, but she kept quiet.

    "At one such town, after I had had a particularly successful night
collecting pretties, I decided to celebrate at the local bar.  I had
spent the day lovingly cataloging and ironing them, so I didn't arrive
until the work shift had ended and -- purely by coincidence -- the local
constabulary was off active duty."

    "The bar was no more noisy than most, which is to say, pretty
raucous.  Tensions from the work day were relieved in drink and raised
voices.  Two in particular grabbed my attention.

    "Sitting at a table in the corner, with several empty sake bottles
in front of them, were two men.  One was large, both in height and
girth, wearing a kerchief to cover his balding head.  The other was
taller still, a clean-shaven man with long black hair.

    "The two had clearly been drinking for a long time.  Their tongues
had been loosened hours ago, and they would bemoan -- loudly and with
bad slurs -- their wives.

    "They spoke of their beauty, and how they loved them so, and how
neither could stand up to them.  They couldn't decide if their beauty
paled their violence, of their violence paled their beauty.  The two men
were clearly besotted (and not just on their wine).

    "So there I was, listening to these two saps whining about what a
good thing they had.  I decided to put them in their place.  Oh, they
fancied themselves martial artists, and tried to take me, but I beat
them easily.  They tried again after they woke up, and several times
after that, but they were no match for my superior martial arts.

    "Genma recognized my skill and asked to become my disciple."  Ranma
started choking, but the master ignored her.  "I realized then that it
would be the perfect opportunity to make real men out of them.  They
could both carry on the school of Anything-Goes martial arts, and I
would make them better husbands for their wives.

    "And so, our loose arrangement was formed.  Whenever they fled from
their wives, they would train under me.  To encourage them to return as
soon as possible, I made them face the most degrading work.  To make
them less likely to run away again, I forced them into situations where
they would have to confront angry women.

    "Of course, with my brilliant mind, I concluded that stealing
women's underwear could accomplish both goals."

    "You stupid old goat, you just had them steal underwear for your
dumb perversions!"

    "So, Ranma?  You can't deny it built their backbone against women. 
(Or at least taught them how to run faster and longer.)  And what's
wrong if I took their plunder?  Would you rather I let THEM keep the
underwear?"

    "Stupid... You know what I mean!"

    "What does it matter?  They were happy, I was happy.  Everyone was
happy."

    Akane snapped, "Except for the women that lost their underwear!"

    "They too, were happy."  Happosai folded his arms and nodded his
head solemnly.  "I was bringing adventure and excitement to the boring
lives of those women.  Although they would not admit it, even to
themselves, they appreciated the fact that someone thought highly enough
of them to take something so precious from them, so intimate a reminder
of their womanhood..."

    "I think I'm gonna be sick."  Ranma retched.  

    Akane agreed.  "Enough with your stupid perversions, and this dumb
story.  I'm not sure how you met Dad; he's too scared to talk about it,
but you sure as heck never met my mother!"

    "Ah, but I did!  For you see, over the years, my training had
started to become successful.  Your fathers began to stand up to (or
rather, withstand) the tempers of your mothers.  It was more and more
rare that they would run away.

    Unfortunately, when they did, it was for longer periods of time. 
They could handle the their wives' smaller outbursts, but not the novae
that your mothers could produce.  No one could stand up to that."  The
master shivered.  "And after these spectacular fights, it would take a
long time indeed for the ladies to calm down."

    "Your fathers were willing to train with me for stints of a few
weeks, but couldn't handle a month or two.  Or more.  And so, they would
sometimes sneak off to train with each other, instead of me.  I had
hoped they had learned responsibility, and had progressed beyond the
need for my tutelage, but it turns out they were just cowards trying to
avoid me.

    "And so, after I hadn't seen them in over half a year, bored and
with nothing to do, I decided to finally meet one of the women that
drove my students so.

    "The two liked nothing more then travelling from bar to bar, so by
visiting the drinking establishments of nearby towns, and asking around,
I was quickly able to establish where they had come from.

    "As I got closer, the trail back to Genma faded.  Perhaps he had
known I might try to track him down and masked his trail.  But Soun was
another story.  I was able to find the dojo with relative ease.

    "I must say your mother was a vision of beauty, Akane.  And with two
equally beautiful children.  Nabiki was still a baby, just a few months
old.  And Kasumi...

    "Your mother tried to be the respectful hostess, but couldn't keep
control of your big sister.  She had to chase down the little spitfire,
always apologizing for her child, who liked to open bags and boxes, and
tug on visitor's clothes.

    "I didn't mind, of course.  I have something of a weakness for
children, and Kasumi was quite precious.  Over the next few weeks we got
to be very good friends, and with a playmate her size, Kasumi learned
how to better channel her energy.  Your mother was quite thankful, and
we became good friends."

    "Geez, ya old freak.  It's obvious you're lyin'"

    "And how is that?"  Happosai arched an eyebrow irritably.

    "You said that Nabiki was just a baby when you visited, right?  A
couple of months old?"

    "Yes.  She was three months old."

    "And you said Soun was gone for a long time?"

    "Several months."

    "But Akane's a year younger then Nabiki, right?"

    Akane answered warily, "Yes..."

    Ranma turned to Akane.  "You were born a year after Nabiki, minus
nine months of pregnancy...  So you were, uh, conceived, um, three
months after Nabiki was born.  But according to the freak, Mr. Tendo was
training then, right?  So--"

    Ranma's next word followed Akane's shriek.

    "Akane?"

    She was too busy throttling Happosai to notice him speaking. 
"You're LYING!  I'm not related to you!  I'm NOT a pervert!!!"

    Ranma blinked.

    Due to her shaking, Happosai's small brain had already bounced
around the inside of his skull too much for him to maintain
consciousness.  Akane flung his limp form through the wall and
started babbling.  "I'm not like that.  I'm NOT!  It isn't true.  It's
imPOSSible!"

    Ranma had been pretty proud of himself.  He had actually used math
and knowledge of biology to definitively prove that Happosai couldn't
have been telling the truth, because if his story was right, then Mr.
Tendo couldn't have been around to father Akane.

    Only he might have just proven that Mr. Tendo WASN'T Akane's father.

    Education had betrayed him.

	He swallowed.  A few months ago they had found out that Shampoo was
Happosai's great-granddaughter, and she was as perverted as him now. He
had had to learn yet another special technique to defeat Cologne and get
a cure to the 'Cracked Leather Shiatsu' Technique that had forced him to
wear a bra in his cursed form.

    Happosai was three generations removed from Shampoo.  What would it
be like for a girl just one generation removed?  He stared at Akane in
fear, eyes wide.  He remembered Akane yelling that she hated boys.  And
later, at Jusenkyo, that she liked him the way he was, a half-boy,
half-girl.  It all made so much sense...

    His brain attempted the Saotome Secret Technique.  Maybe Ukyo was
really the girl for him!

    As he laughed nervously at his own thoughts, Akane's desperate eyes
turned to him, and she grabbed his shirt, "You believe me, don't you! 
He's not my... I'm not his...  He was LYING, he had to be!"

    Ranma tried to inch away, soothing Akane.  "Of course, Akane. 
There's no way that old freak is your father."  She chuckled uneasily.

    "Don't SAY that!  Don't call him that!!"  Her desperate eyes became
crazed, filling with tears.  Ranma started trying to get away in
earnest, but Akane's grip had tightened considerably.

    Soun could not have picked a worse time to come into the room.

    "Akane, what's wrong?" he asked.  Not even a second later, his
sympathetic voice turned to accusation.  "Ranma, what have you done to
my daughter?!"

    "N- Nothing!" stammered Ranma.

    Akane let go of him, causing him to fall back, and ran over to her
father.  He WAS her father, she told herself.  "Daddy, tell me it's not
true!"

	He was instantly all compassion and sympathy.  "What is it, Akane?
What's wrong?"

    "Happosai didn't know Mother, did he?  He didn't stay at the house
when Nabiki was a baby and you were off with Mr. Saotome, right?"

    The blood draining from Soun's face was not the comforting response
she had been hoping for.  "Th- The Master told you?"

    Akane shook her head in denial.  "No.  NO!"

    Ranma blinked repeatedly.  It was one thing to know that your
fiancee MIGHT be the daughter of the greatest pervert in Japan, but to
hear it from the person you thought was her father...  "You mean... 
Happosai really is Akane's father?"

    Pausing only to stare at Ranma, Soun passed out.

    Akane stared at her father's -- or rather Mr. Tendo's -- unconscious
body.  She didn't feel anything.  It must be shock.  She held onto her
arms for some sense of reality, or solidity, but it didn't help. 
Casting her eyes about, she saw Ranma staring at her.

    There was compassion in her eyes, but she was keeping her distance;
something was holding her back.  Was it fear?

    Or disgust?

    She couldn't take it anymore, and ran crying out of the house.  She
had to get away before she did something perverted.  Shampoo had been
able to hold it off for a while, but when she fell, she fell hard.  She
had to hold it off, no matter what!

           *           *           *           *           *    

    A part of Ranma really wanted to follow, but she didn't have a clue
what to do if she caught up to her.  Hell, Akane might have run off
BECAUSE of her.  Because of what she did or didn't do.  If she said the
wrong thing, she might just make it worse.

    When Soun started moaning, Ranma went over to look at him.  "Hey,
Mr. Tendo, are you alright?"

    "Horrible nightmare..."

    He must have thought it was all a dream.  Ranma was sure that Akane
hoped the same thing.  "But she's the one living the nightmare."

    Soun seemed to come around, and pulled himself up to a sitting
position.  "What?  You mean Akane found out?  Oh, how I hoped to spare
her this day..."  Tears started streaming out of his eyes.  "Wait a 
minute.  What did you say about Happosai?"

    "He's Akane's real father, right?"

    "Wha-AAAT?!"

    "You mean he isn't?"

    "NO, of course not!  How can you say such a thing about your
fiancee, Ranma?!?"

    "I'm sorry I'm sorry!"  Ranma cringed from Soun's monstrous head. 
When it deflated, Ranma explained.  "It's just that Happosai said he was
living here about the time Akane was conceived, and you were off hiding
from your wife.  We knew he had to be lying."

    Soun started to sweat.

    "I've got to find Akane and tell her Happosai was lying about
everything."

    "Um, well, he wasn't lying about everything..."

    "What, you and Pop really did hide from your wives?"

    "It wasn't HIDING.  We were merely... giving them space to cool
down."

    "Right.  Look, at this point, Akane won't care, just as long as she
knows that Happosai wasn't around her mom while you were out 'giving her
space.'"

    "Actually, he did come by the house and stay with her mother."

    "When Nabiki was three months old?"

    Soun thought about it for a moment, mentally counting in his head. 
"Yes, that sounds about right."

    Ranma bigsweated.  "And how long were you gone?"

    "I can hardly forget that.  It was the worst fight ever.  I was away
for seven weeks. Forty-seven days away from my darling--"

    "So in other words, you're telling me that everything Happosai said
was true?!"

    "Well, everything you just told me, anyway.  Except the part about
Akane being his child.  That's disgusting.  To think that you would
suggest that my wife..."  he started to break down into tears.

    "Akane was conceived when Nabiki was three months old!  If you
weren't there, WHO'S THE FATHER?!?"

    "...!" countered Soun.

    "Well?"

    "...?" he explained.

    "Huh?"

    "MY BABY'S THE MASTER'S DAUGHTER!" wailed Soun.  Torrents of tears
flowed out of his eyes.  "Oh, Darling, how could you have done this to 
me?  Did I hurt you so much when I left?"  He lay down on the floor and 
trailed off into unintelligible babbling.

    Ranma turned to look outside, gazing into the distance.  "Akane..."

           *           *           *           *           *    

    She finally stopped running in the park, leaning against a lamp post
to catch her breath and stop her tears.

    This couldn't be happening.  Her world was falling apart.  When she
had found out about Shampoo's problem, she'd rejoiced at first.  There
was no way Ranma would ever want to marry a pervert like her.  But as 
the weeks passed, her joy had faded and been replaced by pity.

    The once-proud Amazon warrior had been reduced to a panty thief. 
She had a... physical addiction to the charms of women.  Fondling
women's undergarments could sate her for a while, but she couldn't
escape the need to feel a real woman, and her own body wouldn't suffice.

    Is that what would happen to her?  Reduced to a shell of a woman? 
Reduced to no better than the crudest man?  Had Ranma somehow been able
to see the truth from the beginning?  He'd called her unfeminine the
whole time.

    She shivered.  But it would probably be worse then that.  She had
thought back carefully, desperately, to what Cologne had said about her
own child by Happosai.  At first she couldn't remember, but then she
realized:  Cologne had skipped over any description of her daughter.

    What had been so horrible that she hadn't been able to speak of it,
even as she was explaining Shampoo's depravities?

    It was waiting for her.  How long did she have left?  Had it already
started?  Would Ranma's gender-flipping help her fight off the
perversion, or accelerate it?  It was all too much to think about.

    "Bwee?"

    Akane blinked her eyes and saw P-Chan at her feet, looking at her
with concern.  He was never around for long, but he was always there in
her time of need.  He was her guardian angel.

    She picked up the round little pig and held him to her bosom.  "Oh,
P-Chan, something horrible has happened."

    As always, he shook his head and made little squeals of dismay.  He
was a really smart piggie, able to pick up on the thoughts and emotions
of his owner.

    "I found out today that Dad... That Mr. Tendo isn't my real father."
 P-Chan's ears stiffened in response.   "My fuh- father is... Happosai."
 There, she'd said it.

    She waited for P-Chan to respond, but he just lay there in shock. 
"P-Chan, are you alright?  P-Chan?!"  She gave him a little shake, but
aside from his head lolling from side to side, he didn't respond.

    She put her ear to his round belly, but couldn't hear a heartbeat. 
Was she listening in the wrong place?  Terrified, she placed him down on
his back and applied pressure to his chest with two fingers.  There was
no response.  "P-Chan!  Wake up!  Please, answer me!"

    She tried prodding him again, but there was still no effect.  She
put her ear up to his snout this time, but didn't feel any movement of
air.  "Oh, no!  He's not breathing!"

    Unsure of what to do, she leaned forward, put her mouth around
P-Chan's snout, and breathed in the barest puff of air.  His eyes
immediately snapped open and he started a frenetic little pig-coughing.

    "Oh, P-Chan, you're alright!  I was so worried."  She picked him up
again and held him tightly to her chest.  He stopped coughing, opened
his eyes, realized where he was, and passed out with a nose bleed.

    Akane immediately felt him go limp again.  "No!  P-Chan, you've got
to stay with me!"  She started to shake him again, and this time he
immediately came to, although his eyes were unfocussed.

    Sighing in relief, she noticed for the first time a wet, slick
liquid on her chest.  Looking at her fingers she realized it was blood,
splattered all over her.

    Horror overtook her yet again as she quickly looked for wounds on
P-Chan, but didn't find any.  There was just a spot of blood on his
nose.  Had she squeezed him too tight?

    She was finally able to calm her fears when she recognized that it
was just P-Chan's nose-bleed problem.  Whenever she held him close to
her chest, he...

    Afraid, Akane held herself.  As P-Chan lay on the ground, getting
his bearings, she was remembering all the times Ranma had been mean to
P-Chan, as if he could be jealous of the little pig.

    But then she realized that, if P-Chan were a person, he was acting
just like a shy boy in love.  Getting nose bleeds, and blushing when she
kissed him on the snout.  Maybe P-Chan WAS in love with her.

    She pulled her legs up to her body and cradled herself.  Was she
giving off some sort of pig signals?  Did P-Chan think she was a cute
sow?  Did having Happosai's blood in her veins make her some sort of
bestial pervert?  Was she... leading P-Chan on without even knowing it?

    It was all too much for her.  "I can't be around you, P-Chan.  I'm
sorry."  The confused pig watched her as she ran away crying.

           *           *           *           *           *    

    Ten minutes was simply too much.  Genma already had plenty of time
to rearrange the shogi board to correct some mistakes he'd made.  No
need to be penalized for that, right?  And if it happened to improve his
positioning on the board...

    He'd also finished the ice shavings with strawberry syrup that
Kasumi had so thoughtfully given them before going out on her errands. 
He was getting bored waiting.

    Where on Earth was Tendo?

    Reluctantly, Genma stood up, stretched the kinks out of his muscles,
and walked around the house.  Glancing into the rooms as he went, he
almost skipped master Happosai's room, but on a whim, decided to peek
inside.

    What he saw startled him to the core.  "Ranma!"

    The boy turned to face him, a little nervous.  "Huh?  What is it,
old man?"

    "You've killed Tendo!"

    Instantly, he was at his friend's side, holding a cold hand in his
own.  Well, not that cold; the boy must have recently done the deed.  "I
can't believe my own son did this.   The stress of all those fiancees
and all the training must have been too much for the boy, and he finally
snapped."  Genma bowed his head, crying.  "But don't worry.  I'll make
sure he sees justice--"

    Ranma cut off his father's tirade with a swift blow to the head. 
"He's just unconscious, you moron!"

    "Eh?"  With a deft flip of the hand he was holding, Genma found a
pulse on Soun's wrist.  "Well, so he is!" he laughed amiably.  Then his
arms shot out to grab Ranma's shirt.  "What are you THINKING, Boy,
knocking out our host like this?  It's unforgivable!"

    "Hey, I didn't--"

    "You'll have to make it up to him," Genma continued.  "But for
something this serious, you'll have to do something extra special."  He
stood back up, making a fist of determination.  "Well, that's it, then. 
You've got no choice but to marry his daughter!  I know it'll be a
sacrifice--"

    Whack.

    "Why do you keep hitting me in the head!?!"  Genma yelled at his
son.

    "'Cause it's the only way to knock sense into ya!" Ranma yelled
back.  "I didn't knock him out, either.  He just passed out crying."

    "What?!?"  Again, Genma was at his friend's side.  "Why haven't you
called a doctor?  Oh, Tendo, why didn't you tell me you had a heart
condition--"  Whack.  "This is getting old, Boy."

    Ranma ignored his father's attempt at a petulant frown.  "He doesn't
have no heart condition, neither.  He just got a shock.  I mean, finding
out that-- er..."  He wasn't sure he wanted to finish the statement.

    "What?  What is it, Boy?"

    "Well, his old lady might have had an affair..."

    Genma's eyes widened.  "That's not possible, Ranma.  Tendo's wife
was the epitome of a traditional loving housewife.  She was just like
your mother, in a lot of ways."

    Ranma frowned slightly.

    "And you didn't see her having an affair, did you?  Ten years
without her husband, and she didn't go searching for love.  No, she kept
her emotions in check, never giving into the yearning desires of her
body, crying out for what only a man could--"

    The mallet was enough to make Genma shut up for almost five seconds.
 "Would you PLEASE not talk about Mom like that?"

    Genma sat back up, scratching his head.  "My point was that Tendo's
wife would never have had an affair."

    "She had a kid."

    "...What?"

    "One of Tendo's daughters... ain't really his kid."

    "I can't believe that."

    "Well, it sure as hell ain't his.  He wasn't here when she was, uh,
conceived."  Ranma glanced at the sleeping form of Mr. Tendo, who was
periodically tossing and turning.

    Ranma's father furrowed his brow with thought.  "But he was never
away that long.  Well, of course there was the Cookie Incident..."  He
twitched.  "Seventeen years and I can still remember it like--

    "Wait.  Seventeen years..."  Genma's brow furrowed father, and he
started counting off fingers.  It took several tries, as his hands
didn't have the right number of digits.  "You mean... Akane?"

    His son's silence was affirmation enough.

    "B- But the schools!  We were supposed to join them.  If Akane
isn't... If she..."  His intense eyes turned to his son.  "Who's the
father, Boy?"

    Ranma shrank away.  "Well, we're not completely sure..." he hedged. 
"I mean...  It's not like he actually admitted anything.  Akane could
have been jumping to conclusions.  And she knocked him out before we
could get the truth."

    "Knocked who out?  Where's Akane now?"  Genma's eyes darted around
the room.

    Ranma twiddled his fingers.  "Well..."

	A sinking feeling came over Genma.  Now that he thought about it, he,
his son, and Tendo were all in Happosai's room.  The only person not
present was Happosai himself.  But there was an ominously shaped hole in
one of the walls.  "Where's the master?"

    "Akane sorta..."  He pointed to the hole in the wall.

    "Well," said Genma in an effort to calm himself, "I guess one of 
the other sisters will have to be your fiancee."  He stroked his chin. 
"Fortunately, Nabiki's already had some practice."

    "Hey!  There's no way I'm marrying her!"

    He looked sadly at his son.  "Don't worry.  You'll have time to
adjust after the mourning."

    "Mourning?"

    Genma produced a stake and mallet.  "Of course.  We have to kill the
spawn of Happosai before she breeds," he said matter-of-factly.

    "Wha...?  Akane isn't a vampire!!!"

    "C'mon, Boy.  It's a martial artist's duty to kill monsters."

    "She's not a monster, either!"

    Genma turned to look at his son (currently daughter) with disbelief.
 "What are you saying?  She's the Master's DAUGHTER!  Of course she's a
monster!  Who knows what fiendish powers she has?  She's probably a
siren, luring men to her and draining their manhood..."

    "She's not like that!  She--"

    "Boy, she's been working her wiles on you all along!  Look at you!" 
He poked Ranma in the chest, eliciting an indignant squawk.  "How long
ago was it that you refused to ever be a girl?  Now your curse is just
like another set of clothes to you; you change on a whim!  How long
before you're a girl all the time?  What happened to my manly son?  It's
her doing, I'm sure of it; we have to get rid of her, for your own
good."

    Ranma's scowl deepened.  "I ain't letting you touch her, Old Man."

    "I understand."  He nodded compassionately.  "You're already under
her spell.  No doubt you were no match for her feminine wiles.  Very
well, I'll have to make sure you don't stop me.  This'll only hurt for a
moment, boy.  I know you'll forgive me when this is all over and you're
free again."

    Ranma almost laughed when her father started cracking his knuckles. 
But her eyes shot open when the old man was suddenly moving at her
faster than she had ever seen him move before.

           *           *           *           *           *    

    "Damn pig."

    As Ukyo walked away from the rental office, she occupied herself
with thoughts of what she'd like to do with the sexist jerk that owned
the building she leased for the Ucchan's.  That was the reason she
hadn't brought any spatulas with her -- so she wouldn't be tempted to
use them on him.

    When she'd originally signed the lease, there hadn't been a problem.
But when the landlord had shown up to see what she'd done with the
store, he'd been a complete ass, saying that girls had no business
cooking -- only serving.  She would have brained him on the spot, if he
wasn't the building owner.

    Things became clearer when he asked her where 'Ukyo Kuonji' was. 
That's when she remembered that she'd been dressed in her boy's school
uniform when she'd originally met him; he didn't recognize her in her
cooking outfit, with the bows and tights.

    She'd begged him off, saying that her 'brother' wasn't around.  And
so, her little deception had begun.  Whenever she saw the owner, she'd
make sure she was dressed like a guy, and restrain her natural desire to
beat some good old-fashioned Southern sense into the freak.

    She hated it, but she wanted to keep her store.  It wasn't like she
WANTED to dress like a boy.  She'd eagerly taken back her femininity
after Ranchan had affirmed that, even when trying to act masculine, her
inner cuteness shined through.

    Of course, she still wore a boy's uniform to school, but that was
strictly a comfort thing.  Any little breeze (or pervert) could blow up
a skirt.  No thanks; she'd rather wear pants.

    On a hot day like today she would have preferred to wear shorts and
a T-shirt, but that wouldn't have done much to hide her femininity.  For
her trip to the rental office, she'd put her hair up under a baseball
cap, strapped down her breasts under a polo shirt, and was wearing khaki
pants.

    Damn, but she had to get those bandages off.  They were always
uncomfortable, but now sweat was dripping down the space between her
breasts, creating a singularly unpleasant sensation.  And because of the
wrap, she couldn't properly dry herself off.

    For the n'th time that afternoon, she tugged at her shirt, trying to
get a breeze down her top to cool down.

    "Ooph!"  A body slammed into her from behind, knocking her to the
ground.  Quickly rolling up and turning around, she saw a familiar
sight.  "Akane?"

    "I'm so sorry!"  The short-haired girl apologized, bobbing her head.
"I wasn't watching where I was going."

    There was something about the tone of her voice that caught Ukyo's
attention.  She must have been really out of it to have run into her
without noticing.  "You okay, Sugar?"  She offered her hand to help
Akane up.

    The other girl blinked, but tentatively took Ukyo's hand.  "I... I'm
alright."  She tilted her head.  "Do I know you?  You look familiar."

    Apparently Akane's ability to see through disguises only applied to
Ranma.  A wig she'd notice, but not putting one's hair under a hat. 
Ukyo couldn't help but smirk, feeling a bit mischievous.  "I look
familiar?  That's an old pickup line."

    Her face turned beet red.  "Eh!?  I wasn't-- I'm not--"

    "Calm down, Honey.  I didn't mean anything."

    Akane's face remained red, but less so.  "Sorry.  It's just that
most of the boys I know are perverts."

    Ukyo grinned, "Yeah, well, I'm not like other boys."

    Akane smiled weakly.  "I don't think I know any normal boys.  And
now I might have scared away the only one who might be okay."

    What was this?  Ukyo found herself slightly excited.  Had Akane done
something to screw up her engagement to Ranma?  She licked her lips,
trying to get more information.  If they really were headed towards
Splitsville...  "What makes you say that?"

    "It's just that my...  That is, my family..."  Akane struggled to
find the words to say.  "I have a... relative that my fiance doesn't
like."

    "So?  If he's scared away because he doesn't like one of your
relatives, he's probably not the boy for you anyway," she suggested
helpfully.  Maybe it was a little cruel to say as much to Akane, but it
was true!  After all, Ukyo didn't care about relatives.  She was going
to marry Ranma, even though he was the son of that jackass Genma!

    "It's not that he doesn't like this... relative.  Well, he does --
hate him, that is.  Rather, he probably won't like what I've inherited
from him."

    "What, did they have health problems?"  She'd heard that Akane's
mother had passed away when she was still young.

    "No.  I haven't inherited a weak constitution.  It's more like I'll
be too lively..."

    Ukyo lifted her baseball cap up just enough to scratch her head,
without letting any of the hair fall out.  "How's that a problem?  What,
are you going to turn into a sex fiend or something?"  She giggled.

    "Uh..."  Akane blushed a bright red, but didn't deny it.

    Her jaw dropped.  No way!  Damn.  The tomboy already exuded some
sort of pheromones that attracted all sorts of cute (if weird) boys to
her, and now she was going to turn into a lady of the night?  Her 
Ranchan was strong, but living in the same house with that sort of thing 
would be a terrible temptation.  She had to get them apart.

    "Maybe it's for the best," said Ukyo.  "Guys don't like that sort of
thing -- aggressive women, that is.  There's this friend of mine, a
martial artist.  He's got all sort of girls chasing him, but he's not
interested in any of them."  Except the cute one of course, but she
didn't chase him.  "One of them started getting really aggressive, and
he all but runs away from her now.  You wouldn't want that sort of
rejection, would you?"

    Indeed, Akane was shaking her head in denial.  "But it won't be like
that!  I won't turn into a hussy!  I'm not going to turn into Shampoo!"

    Ukyo blinked.  "Why would you turn into Sham..."  Understanding
dawned.  "Your relative.  It's Happosai, isn't it?"  Her chest felt cold
with fear.

    "It doesn't seem possible, does it?"  She gave a half-hearted laugh,
laced with  hysteria.  "I can't imagine what was going through Mother's
head..."

    "He's your FATHER?!"

    Akane jumped, surprised at the suddenness and loudness of Ukyo's
response.  "I'm-- I'm-- I'm sure it won't be that bad..."

    A memory came to Ukyo.  A certain pervert had easily ripped off her
breast bindings, even when she had been expecting an attack.  That
pervert was Shampoo, several generations removed from the old goat.  And
Akane was the little monster's direct progeny?

    She reflexively reached for her back, and had a sinking feeling when
there was no feel of solid metal.  That's right; she'd left Mr. Spatula
and all her other weapons at home.

    "I just realized," she said, backing away, "I have to be somewhere.
 Look at the time!"  She glanced at her wrist, as if she had a watch. 
"Gotta-go-bye!"

    "No!  Don't go!"  Akane reached out and grabbed the collar of Ukyo's
shirt, stopping her in place and turning her around.  "Please don't
leave!  I'm not a monster!"  She pulled Ukyo's collar, dragging her
closer.  Ukyo tried to push at Akane's shoulders, but the other girl's
strength was alarming.

    Akane's eyes filled with tears.  The sight would have moved Ukyo if
there wasn't such an... intensity to the girl's stare.  "I don't want
people to run from me!"  The tears started to fall, and Akane sobbed. 
"So what if I don't like most boys?"  She started shaking Ukyo.  "That
doesn't mean that I'm a pervert!  It just means that I like..."

    Akane lost her train of thought, confused by something.  "I like..."
 She glanced at Ukyo's chest.  Her hands were on the young boy's collar,
but her forearms were pressed against his chest.  But there was
something... weird with it.

    It was lumpy.

    She pressed a hand against one of the lumps.

    Squeeze.

    "Eee!"  The boy squeaked in a most effeminate manner.  Akane tilted
her head and squinted her eyes.  There was something familiar with that
face.  If she didn't know better, she'd say the boy looked like...

    "Ukyo?"

           *           *           *           *           *    

    "Get back here, Ranma!  Untie me this instant!"

    Ranma poured a kettle of hot water on his head, frowning and
muttering to himself.  "Stupid old man.  It's too hot for this."  He
rubbed a bruise that was forming on his cheek.  His father had gotten a
solid hit in.

    "I'm only trying to protect you!"  Genma flailed, securely fastened 
to a chair by the only material handy:  hundreds of brassieres.

    "I'm going out to find Akane."

    "Wait!  Don't go!  You must avoid her!  What if she forces hot,
passionate sex on you?  What if you get her pregnant?!"  Panic edged
into his voice.  "I don't want the next generation of Happosais to have
Saotome blood in them!  Think of HUMANITY!"

    Ranma tossed the kettle over his shoulder and onto his old man's
head.  "See you later."  He closed the door behind him and the sound of
his footsteps receded out of the house.  The only people left were Genma
and the unconscious Tendo.

    With the boy finally gone, silence reigned.

    Until, after a few moments, Genma started chuckling.  Unable to
restrain himself, he let the chuckle become a full belly laugh.  "I've
done it, Tendo!  I've finally DONE it!"  He tried to nudge his friend
up, but he couldn't reach with his limbs all firmly tied down.

    "The boy thinks I want him staying away from Akane.  So naturally,
he's running off to be by her side!"  He knew there was no way Tendo's
departed wife could have ever done anything with the master.  Ranma knew
nothing about the woman, and would of course think the worst.  Well,
he'd let his son continue to think that, if it meant he would try to
marry Akane out of spite.

    "He thinks he's beaten me, but he's fallen prey to Anything Goes
Martial Arts Reverse Psychology!  Foolish boy!"

    Tendo's only response was to shake his head side to side in some
fevered dream.  Genma was slightly annoyed, feeling the need for a
partner to celebrate.  "Hey, wake up!"

    "Mmm," he moaned, still unconscious.  "Why, Dear?  Why did it have
to be with Happosai...?"

    Genma blinked.  She'd actually...?  And he'd sent his only son
after...?  "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

           *           *           *           *           *    

    Akane ran in the opposite direction from Ukyo.  "Why?  Why did I
grab her?  Why couldn't I tell that was her?"  Ranma had used much
better disguises, and she'd been able to see right through them.  How
could Ukyo have fooled her?

    Unless, maybe she'd WANTED to be fooled?  She'd let herself think of
Ukyo as a boy, because if she grabbed the chest of a man, it wouldn't be
perverted.

    But Ukyo was no boy, no matter how she dressed.  Ukyo was startled
by Akane's reaction, but Akane had been horrified to the core.  Ukyo was
able to run away from the situation, but no amount of running would let
Akane escape herself.

    Her speed dropped to a jog, and then a quick walk.  Finding a
secluded copse of trees, she walked off the path to them, and leaned
against a birch.  The humid air made the sweat of her skin feel all the
more sticky.  Her heart continued to pump from her exertions.

    At least, she thought it was because of the exertions.  It couldn't
be from some perverted...  Blocking off the idle speculation, she paused
to try to identify the source of her rapid heartbeat.  It wasn't the
running -- she was in too good a shape.  No, she must be on the edge of
hysteria.  Combined with her heavy breathing, she started to feel light-
headed and wobbly.

    She held onto the tree for balance, taking deep, soothing breaths.  
She had to calm down.  Think about this calmly.  She had to--  Giggling
female voices came from deeper into the trees.  A manic grin slowly grew
on her face.

    She knew exactly what to do to feel better.

           *           *           *           *           *    

    Ranma's mass and speed meant that he was only dazed by the
collision.  Ukyo, however, all but bounced off him, thrown to the
ground.  She blinked in confusion before realizing who was standing
above her.  "Ranchan!"

    "Ucchan, are you alright?  I heard the scream."  He gave her a hand
and lifted her to her feet.  "What happened to you?"

    The shell-shocked chef slowly looked into Ranma's eyes.  And then
grabbed him in a hug.  "It was so horrible!"  She pressed her cheek into
Ranma's chest.

    "Wh- What?"  He nervously pushed Ukyo back, keeping his hands on her
shoulders.

    "Akane!  She's Happosai's daughter!  She grabbed my boob!"  She
pointed helpfully at the mentioned body part.  Ranma blushed and turned
his eyes away.

    Ukyo continued, her tone somewhere between a gripe and a wail.  "Why
do I have to be the one to catch the brunt of Akane's 'coming out' 
party?  When Shampoo flipped, at least the groping was spread all 
around!"

    "Ah, yeah.  That's great, Ukyo.  Look, I'll take care of Akane."  He
glanced around.  "Where is she, anyway?"

    "She went the other way."  She pointed back the direction she had
come.

    Ranma started down the path, turning back to Ukyo.  "Look, maybe you
should head home until Akane's under control.  I wouldn't want her
molesting you like the old fart or nothing."  He noticed Ukyo's
reaction.

    "Uh, molesting you AGAIN..."

           *           *           *           *           *    

    A few minutes later found Ranma in a small copse of trees.  The
people he questioned had all seen a visibly upset girl run in this
direction.  "Um... Are you okay?"  He made a point of not looking at the
people in the bushes.

    "Just throw back our clothes!" hissed the sandy-blonde.

    "Oh, yeah."  Ranma leaned over and picked up the parts of a
prep-school uniform.  A plaid vest here.  Maroon pants there.  A sports
bra.  "Say, you haven't seen a short-haired girl around, have you?"  He
tossed the clothes on top of the bush.

    "Have we?!  She did this to us!"

    "Oh?"  He sweated.  "Did you see where she went?"

    The girl with the aqua hair shook her friend.  "Sh- She's coming
back!"

    Ranma turned around to see Akane approaching them.  He ignored the
shuffling sounds as the two girls left the bush and raced away.  Far
from being upset, Akane seemed quite collected.  In fact, she was
smiling.  Something about the scene made Ranma nervous.

    She stopped a few steps away from him.  "Hi, Ranma."

    "Uh, hey, Akane."

    "Are you looking for me?"  Her tone was pleasant.

    "Ah, yeah...  Are you feeling alright?"

    She nodded.  "I'm feeling much better, now."

    "Now...?"  He drew out the word questioningly.

    She blushed.  "Well, I was sort of panicked for a little while, but
I got over it."

    "You're not feeling...?"  How to put it?  "Perverted?"  He felt like
smacking his head.  That was probably NOT the way to put it.

    Akane blinked.  "I'm not perverted!"

    "I didn't mean anything by it," he rushed out.  "I mean...  I
understand that you don't know how to deal with your... new feelings,
yet."

    "What new feelings?"  She narrowed her eyes.

    "From... Happosai.  From being his daugh--"

    Her eyes widened for a moment, before she flashed another smile. 
"Don't worry; it's all under control."

    "You can't tell me that!  You grabbed Ukyo!  You stripped those two
girls!"  He thumbed back at the bush behind him.

    Akane winced.  "U- Ukyo was an accident..."

    "And the girls?"

    She blushed.  "Um...  They were intentional.  But you don't have to
worry about it.  I'm not perverted."

    Ranma stood with his mouth agape.  "Excuse me?"

    "You see," Akane began, "After I (um) did that to Ukyo, I started
asking myself WHY I did it.  Was it an accident, or was it because I
found her attractive?  And for once, I was truthful to myself.  She did
look... nice."

    Ranma's heart sank.

    "But she didn't look like a girl, either.  So I figured I'm probably
attracted to boys.  I tried to think of all the good-looking boys I
know, so I could figure out if Ukyo looked like them.

    "There's Mousse, with his long hair and soulful eyes.  Taro's lithe
body.  Ryunosuke, with his gentle manner and long lashes.  Konatsu." 
She tapped her chin.  "Have you ever noticed that good-looking boys look
a lot like good looking girls?"

    Ranma only frowned, wondering why his name wasn't in the list.

    Akane continued.  "Well anyway, naturally I was worried!  If the
only guys I find attractive look like girls, then maybe I AM attracted
to girls.  I had to test it.  So when I saw those two girls making out
in the bushes, I did.  But neither of them did anything for me.  So I
know I'm not attracted to girls!"

    "What do you mean, you 'tested' it?" he asked.  For that matter, 
what did it mean when she said that neither of them 'did it for her'?

    "Uh, that's not important!"  She blushed.  "The important thing is
that I know I'm not attracted to girls, and I've got no desire to grab
them or steal their underwear."

    Ranma just stared at her.

    Akane couldn't take it any more.  "I was scared, okay!  Maybe I
overreacted, but I was desperate!  How would you react if you knew you
might turn into Happosai?"

    He suppressed a shudder.

    "I had to know.  I HAD to!  If I knew, at least I could do something
about it!  But I can't take not knowing!  I don't want to turn into
something else and not even recognize it's happening to me!  I'm going
to go down kicking a screaming!!"

    "Okay, Akane!"  he reassured her.  She was starting to grow
agitated.  "Come on home and we can talk about it, alright?"

    She gazed up at him with glistening eyes.  "O- Okay."

    "I guess it's just a good thing that you found out you're not
attracted to girls as soon as you did.  Those two girls are upset, and
Ukyo, but it could have been a lot worse..."

    Akane tugged on his arm, urging him on.  "Hurry up."  She glanced
behind her.

    "What's the rush?"

    "There she is, officer!" "That's the... the... PERSON that did this
to me!" "Give me back my innocence!!!"

    Ranma didn't have to look back to recognize the sounds of an angry
female mob.  He was uncomfortably familiar with them.  Nor did he want
to look, afraid of what he might see.  (Or not see.)

    "Uh, let's get out of those people's way!" Akane suggested,
littlesweating.

    He sighed, and let Akane pull him along.  Within a few minutes, they
had accelerated to a full run, and eventually took to the rooftops.

           *           *           *           *           *    

    "I think we lost them."  Akane glanced over the edge of the roof
they were laying, and rolled back to face Ranma.  The two of them were
flat on their stomachs, hiding on the hot shingled surface.

    Ranma rolled onto his back, staring up into the sky.  The light of
the sun was slightly blunted by a cloud just barely inching across the
sky.  He wished again for a breeze to draw off some of the oppressive
heat.

    "How many girls did you 'test,' Akane?"

    He asked the question without looking at her.  Instead his eyes
focussed on a bird flying overhead.  Akane shuffled next to him,
fidgeting before giving an answer.  "I don't know, Ranma.  I was
desperate, not thinking straight.  All I knew was that I had to prove I
wasn't a pervert."

    "So you stripped all the girls you could find?"

    She didn't seem to catch the sarcasm in his voice.  "Until I calmed
down, yeah.  I was so frantic.  I guess I lost track of how many and
what exactly I did..."

    Ranma rolled his head over to look at Akane.  She was now lying next
to him, also staring up at the sky.  "But I'm sure, now.  I won't be
like Shampoo."

    "Well...  That's good, right?"  Maybe they were all overreacting? 
Maybe Happosai's blood had to age over several generations, like a fine
wine...  Ranma lifted his head up an inch, and soundly dropped it back
into the roof tiles.  What the hell was he thinking?

    "Now," continued Akane, "I just have to make sure that I don't like
animals."

    At that moment, a dog started barking in the distance.  "Huh? 
What's wrong about liking animals?

    "I mean...  LIKING animals."

    "That doesn't make any..."  He suddenly sat up, and looked down at
Akane, who cowered slightly.  "You don't mean...  That's disgusting! 
How can you even THINK--"

    She sat up, glaring at him angrily.  "I don't WANT to think about
it, Ranma!  But I don't know what kind of pervert I'm going to turn
into!  I have to know what to expect, so I can do something about it!"

    "But..."

    "I have to think of every possibility, Ranma.  No matter how
far-fetched.  You've got to help me think of ideas!"

    "What do I know about perversions?"  He caught Akane's sidelong
glance.  "HEY!"

    Akane whispered, "I just don't want to turn into a monster, Ranma."

    He refrained from mentioning that it might have started, anyway. 
Her logic about stripping lots of girls to make sure she WASN'T a
pervert didn't seem terribly sound to him.  "I don't know.  Just... Stay
away from pigs."  He narrowed his eyes, thinking of a certain rival. 
"And don't go near any perverts."

    Akane stared at him with an unreadable expression.

    "What?"

    "Never mind."  Shaking her head, she asked, "Um, why do you think I
should stay away from perverts?  You think Shampoo might... give me
ideas, or something?"

    "No, girl perverts are okay..."  Smack.  He really needed to start
watching his tongue.

    "What are you talking about?"

    "Do you really want to know?  You might not like it..."

    "If it means the difference between staying me and turning into a
girl focussed on 'exploring my heritage,' then yes!"

    "Well, boys are supposed to be attracted to girls like their
mother..."  He started twiddling his fingers.  "And girls are supposed
to be attracted to boys like their father.  I just wouldn't want you
falling for some young Happosai-wannabe."

    Akane had a vision of herself running through a grassy field with
Happosai, only his gi was white, and had the symbol for 'youth' printed
on it.  She picked him up and spun him in her arms.  They stared into
each others' sparkling eyes, and Akane pulled her man in for a deep
kiss.  Their tongues probed each other's--

    "EW!!!"  She clocked Ranma in the jaw.  "Ew, gross!!"  She
repeatedly smacked his prone body, causing the occasional twitch.  "How
can you even SUGGEST something like that?!"  She paused from her
ministrations when she noticed him weakly raising a finger.  "What?"

    "I just thought of another type of perversion you should avoid."

    "What?"

    "Sadism."

    She narrowed her eyes.  "So you think I LIKE to hurt people?" she
growled.

    He pulled back from her.  "O- Of course not..."

    "Although I suppose it would explain some things..."

    "Wh- What?"  He'd only been joking.

    "I guess I should try it out a bit, just to make sure.  I do have to
know..."  Akane started cracking her knuckles.  "Say, Ranma, can you do
me a favor?" she asked sweetly, turning to face him.

    She was just in time to see his pigtail disappear over the edge of
the roof.  "He ran away from me!  I can't believe it!  And when I need
his help the most!"  She huffed indignantly, running over to the edge,
and watched him flee.

    She tasted salt, and realized she was licking her lips, covered with
beads of sweat.  It felt as though the heat was directly penetrating her
body.  Ranma.  A wild horse.  And sometimes girl.  Able to take a
beating.  "You're a pervert's delight, Ranma."

    She decided then that she'd never let Shampoo have him.  He was too
perfect.  "I think it's too late, Ranma.  He may not be like my father, 
but it seems I've already found a pervert..."

    Leaping off the roof, she felt a wonderful flush, as her heart
started beating more rapidly.  Time for the hunt.  "RanMA!!!"

           *           *           *           *           *    

    "Maybe now I'll figure out what all the fuss is about."

    Ranma had just arrived in the house, when Akane ran in, almost on
his heels.  The two screeched to a halt, seeing Nabiki sitting in the
room with Genma and Soun.  The Tendo father had finally woken up, and
was bawling into the wider man's shoulders.  His long-time friend
provided words of comfort.

    "There there, Tendo.  It's all right.  You can untie me now. 
Anytime you feel like it.  You know, I could be more supportive if you'd
just loosen these bonds a bit..."

    Genma looked up, and saw Ranma and Akane.  In a feat of inhuman
strength, he launched himself at Akane.  "Run, Boy!  She just wants a
girl she can cop a feel from!"

    His speech stopped short as his head impacted the floor.  Except for
the toes he'd used to leap up, the rest of his body was still securely
fastened to the chair.

    "Whatever, Pops."

    Genma craned his head up, trying to look behind the back of the
chair, up at his son.  "But I'm not kidding this time!  She really IS a
monster!  You have to get away."

    "You already said that before."

    "Just who are you calling a monster, anyway?"  Akane started rolling
up a sleeve, filled with righteous indignation.

    Genma immediately started groveling.  "I'm sorry!  Please don't hurt
me!"  Ranma recognized the obsequious tone from what his pop used when
talking to the old goat.

    Akane was mollified.  "Hmm.  I could get used to this."

    Ranma kneeled down to Genma's level and muttered, "Geez, you're
pathetic."

    "Hsst!"  Genma whispered.  "Now, boy, I'll grab her leg with my
teeth, and you make a break for it!  Don't worry about me; I happily
give my life that I may save yours."

    "Ah, shut up."  Ranma stuffed a bra into his father's mouth.

    "Mmph!"

    Nabiki asked Akane, "So when exactly did my baby sister become a
monster?"

    "I'm not a monster!" she denied.  "But... I'm not your sister,
either."

    Soun paused in his lamentation to add, "Oh, my poor baby!  You'll
still be my daughter, even if you're not."

    Nabiki blinked.  "What?"

    "She's Happosai's daughter," clarified Ranma.

    "You think Akane is Happosai's daughter?"  Nabiki's tone was just
that of interest.  No dismay or confusion.  Or fear.

    "He told us this afternoon.  How Dad wasn't around when I was
conceived.  And Happosai was."

    "And you believed him?"

    "Of course not!" answered Ranma.  "I was the first one to think he
was lying, but when we checked the dates, we found out that Soun
couldn't have been there to... uh... be there with your mom and..."

    "And how did you check the dates?"

    Ranma pointed at her father.  "Mr. Tendo told us."

    "Daddy?"

    "It's true.  I was off training...  Forgive me for being so weak,
Dear!"  he started bawling at the heavens.

    "Yeah, he wasn't there when you were three months old."

    Nabiki rolled her eyes.  "So?"

    "So Akane couldn't have been conceived by your father!"

    Nabiki tilted her head.  "And why not?"

    "I thought you were supposed to be good with figures!  Three months
old, plus nine months pregnancy, equals twelve months.  You're a year
older than Akane."

    "But fourteen minus nine equals five."

    Ranma blinked.  "What does that have anything to do with it?"

    "It has something to do with it, Ranma, because I'm fourteen months
older than Akane, not twelve."

    Ranma blinked.

    Akane blinked.

    Soun's eyes widened.

    Genma twitched on the floor.

    Soun was the first to break the silence.  "I knew it!  I knew my
Darling would never betray me so!"  He started crying happily and
began freeing Genma.

    "Wow!"  Ranma smiled.  "I gotta say I'm relieved!"

    Nabiki strolled to the stair to go up to her room.  "Oh, I wouldn't
say you're relieved, yet, Ranma-baby."  She winked.  "Ciao!"

    "Huh?"  He blinked, and turned to Akane.  "What did she mean by--
Urk!"

    Waves of heat came off of Akane, distorting the air around her like
a mirage.  She looked at the floor as she spoke, her bangs shielding her
eyes from view.  "I went through all that...  I thought I was going to
turn into a pervert...  I thought I already WAS a pervert...  All
because of what you said, Ranma!"  She looked up, and glowing red eyes
bored into Ranma.

    "Uh...."  He backed away.

    "DIE!!!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Started 1999-05-20     Completed 2000-08-02     Last modified 2000-08-04
------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    "Hello, I'm home!"  Kasumi stepped inside the house with her bag,
and carefully slipped off her shoes, listening for the voices of the
people at home.  Father and Mr. Saotome were talking in the living room,
and she could hear shouting between Akane and Ranma off in the dojo. 
They must be practicing with each other.

    She glided into the kitchen, pausing to greet her father.  He was
happy to see her, and mentioned something about missing a bit of
excitement earlier.  She smiled politely, and made a note to ask about
everyone's day during dinner.

    The plastic bag went onto the counter, and she started pulling out
the groceries, carefully putting everything into its proper shelf or
bin.  Outside the window facing the dojo, she could hear the voices of
her little sister and Ranma more clearly.

    "Why are you blaming me?  You should have been able to figure out
the dates were wrong!"

    "Just stand still so I can hit you, dummy!"

    "So I guess you like hurting people after all." He chuckled.  "Too
bad you can't blame it on--"

    Whud.

    "Stupid jerk."

    Kasumi smiled, tilting her head.  "Those two are so full of energy!"

    The tiniest of frowns passed over her face, as she thought of how
active she was herself.  She stayed busy in the house, but never got
excited.  Not like when she was a child.

    She almost couldn't believe it when she saw the pictures of herself
at that time.  Her hand was always yanking something, or she was
practicing one of Father's karate kicks on a piece of furniture.  Of
course, those embarrassing pictures were now carefully stored away where
only Kasumi knew.

    After all, she'd gotten better after that nice old man had visited. 
He had shown her how she could channel her excess energy and distribute
it outside of her body.  She'd used it on Doctor Tofu, and the normally
calm doctor had become much more fun and lively!

    She pouted, ever so slightly.  He was too busy for her to see these
days.

    But she'd found a solution.  When she went out shopping, she'd leak
out small amounts of her excess energy to the passers-by.  Not too much,
but since there were so many people, she burned off her always-growing
desire to run around and jump and yell and grab and throw Doctor Tofu to
the floor--

    Oops.  She blushed.  Tomorrow she'd have to make sure to let out a
little more energy.  Humming a little song to herself, she hoped the
people of Nerima appreciated the contributions she was giving them.