------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Eerily Plausible" A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic Series by Douglas MacDougall http://www.dougmacd.net/fanworks/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ranma 1/2 (c) Rumiko Takahashi / Shogakukan, Inc. Story and art by Rumiko Takahashi. English adaptation by Gerard Jones and Toshifumi Yoshida. RANMA 1/2 is a trademark of Viz Communications, Inc. This story may be freely redistributed, but not altered or used for profit. For Mature Readers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part 1: A New Evil Wakes ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Ranma! You've got to help me defeat the panty thief that's been plaguing our fair city!" "Sure thing, old man!" "Ag... Ack... What... Are you doing to your master, you ungrateful..." Ranma lifted his foot off Happosai's flattened head. "I thought you wanted me to stop the panty thief?" "Not ME, you idiot!" "I dunno, you look like a panty thief to me..." Ranma dug his heel back into the elder's head. "Why you...!" The disgruntled martial arts master pulled a small bomb from his gi and tossed into Ranma's hands. "Happo Fire Burst!" "Wak!" Ranma was blasted out of the room moments before the members of the Tendo household made their way in. Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "A NEW panty thief?" "How terrible!" Kasumi noted, sipping some tea. Happosai straightened out his clothes and sat down cross-legged on the mat (with a few pillows added for extra height). "Indeed. As I was making my daily patrol last night, I noticed the fiend skulking about the balconies of the Twin Towers apartment complex. He was moving from porch to porch, snatching ladies' underthings as he went. "It was horrible! He wore the darkness as if it were a cloak, and moved like a cat! His feet found purchase anywhere, but did not make a sound. I could see his unnaturally large eyes absorbing the light, no doubt allowing him to see in the dark." Akane had since sat down to listen to the story, and a smoking Ranma crawled in to join her. "Of course, I could not let such a creature threaten the innocent maidens of the complex!" "And their panties," noted Ranma. "Of course," nodded Happosai solemnly. "So without a moment's hesitation (that is, after I... um... collected my strength)..." Akane rolled her eyes. "...I attacked the thief. If I thought him catlike before, now I knew it. He leapt instantly out of the way, arching his back and performing a perfect backflip, landing softly on the ground. His body bent and twisted with a contortionist's ease. I could barely keep track of his silhouette. "After I put the bra he was about to steal into a... safer place, I leapt down and confronted him. 'Who do you think you are?' I asked. 'Don't you know that you are intruding on the grounds of Happosai, the Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts?!' But he didn't say a word. "Since it didn't look like it was going to be a very interesting fight, I decided to end it quickly with a Fire Burst. Unfortunately, he batted it out of the air like a ball of yarn and back at me! Of course, I was completely unharmed. However, I decided to take a few minutes to... intensely meditate upon the situation and decide a course of action. "While I was uncon-- (er) in my meditative state, the thief had started to tie me up. I don't know why. Everyone seems to want to tie me up. Why is that? Do they think I'm into bondage? I mean, just because I'm a virile old man--" Ranma shouted, "We don't care about that, you old freak!" "No need to be rude, Ranma." Happosai bludgeoned him with his smoking pipe. "Anyway, the fool had fallen right into my trap! As I'm sure you all know, close combat is a specialty of the Happosai School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. No one alive can stop these babies!" Happosai wiggled his wrinkled fingers. Ranma unconsciously scratched his chest. "I tore into Mr. Bondage with righteous fury, quickly driving him back. His belated attempts at defense didn't help at all. 'Give up, boy!' I cried, poking him in the chest with my pipe. 'You're no match for me.' But he only hissed. I was about to strike a final blow with my pipe when I suddenly became disoriented. He appeared to be pulling something out from under his collar. No doubt it was some magical trinket that was affecting me. In my daze, he was able to get in a lucky kick and knock me into the air. Happosai started to frown. "I landed in the canal, and by the time I got back, the pervert and my precious collection were gone!" He started crying, "Ranma, you've got to help me get my collection back! There's no telling what an unscrupulous type like him might do with them!" Somehow the ancient master had managed to splash Ranma and was now clinging to her bosom. "Aaaah! Get OFF!!" Ranma tried peeling him off, but he was more tenacious then normal. She started running around the house. "So there's ANOTHER pervert in Nerima!" Akane made a fist. "Well it stops here! We don't have to take this anymore!" Soun and Genma were now in the room. "A pervert even worse than the Master." Genma scratched his chin. "Who would have thought of it?" "Indeed, Saotome. And who would want to?" "Well said, Tendo, well said." Akane stomped as she got up. "I'm going to stop this new panty thief!" "What?" Soun's jaw dropped open. "But Akane..." "There's enough perverts here already!" Ranma and Happosai stopped running around the house and glanced in at Akane. After they satisfied themselves that she wasn't talking about them, they returned to their business. "But Akane, what if the pervert comes after you? You know how you attract this sort of thing..." He tried to ignore Akane's sub-vocalized growl. "Just leave this to Ranma." "THAT pervert will probably only make him stronger!" Outside, faint voices could be heard. "Hotcha!" "Hey! Don't touch that, you old goat!" "Uh... Well then, we'll come protect you!" "What?" Genma hadn't signed on for this! "We have to protect my daughters!" Nabiki looked at him with half-lidded eyes. "And how will you protect Kasumi and me if you're off with Akane? We're not martial artists. How will we protect ourselves if the panty thief finds this house full of beautiful, young maidens, all alone... unprotected?" "Oh, my!" "I'LL protect you bab-- erk." Nabiki's upraised foot implanted into Happosai's descending face. Boy-type Ranma came running around the corner steaming and dripping wet. He grabbed the dazed master and started tying him up. The dazed master spoke in a small voice, "i told you i'm not into bondage..." "Shut UP!!!" Ranma beat the ball of rope holding the Master. "i'll be good..." Soun was still upset. "Akane, are you sure you won't stay here?" "No way!" "But I can't just leave your sisters alone, Akane..." "Dad, I care take care of myself..." "Who're you kidding, Akane?" said Ranma. "Just leave everything to me. I'll take care of it. I'm used to dealing with perverts." "It takes a pervert to catch a pervert?" Soun nodded. "Yes, leave this to Ranma." Ranma realized something. "Hey!" He glared at Akane. "Dad, I'm not leaving this to Ranma. He can't stop perverts; he just attracts them. We have to send a message!" "But..." "Who're you calling a pervert, tomboy?" Although taking a beating from a prospective fiancee is expected as part of the path of a true martial artist, Genma didn't feel like watching his son get pummeled again. "Why don't we form a posse?" Soun and Akane looked at him. "A what?" "A posse. We'll all get together, even Kasumi and Nabiki, and go out on patrol. We'll be able to protect each other, and when we find the panty thief, he'll see just how many people are against him." Soun was ecstatic, "An angry mob! That's a wonderful idea, Saotome!" "Of course, Tendo," Genma grinned. Akane was frowning. An angry mob? Then she grinned. The more the merrier, right? "I'm going to make some calls!" "It's settled then," said Soun. "We'll form up in the dojo and start our patrol. Make sure all your underwear's locked up!!!" Nabiki rolled her eyes. Kasumi got up and started walking towards her room. "Yes, father." * * * * * "I feel stupid." "This hurts!" "How do you wear these things?" "Would you all just SHUT UP!!!" Ukyo yelled at the top of her lungs. What a useless, whiney bunch of girls... "Maybe you're used to having your breasts crushed flat by bindings, Ukyo, but the rest of us aren't." Akane itched at wrappings under her shirt. Yuka and Sayuri nodded emphatically. "You'll get used to it." "I don't WANT to get used to having my chest flattened!" "Gee, Akane, with YOUR chest, who'd not--" Ranma withered at Akane's glance. "Well, you all wanted to come after the panty thief. If you don't want him stealing your bra or groping you, this is the best solution..." "I still say I could've taken care of the freak by my--" No sooner had he said the words then Ranma was stared down by ALL the women in the group. "Nevermind." Akane grinned. Maybe he could learn, after all. The party consisted of about twenty people: everyone in the Tendo household (except Happosai, who was left tied up), Ukyo, Miss Ninomiya, and a bunch of Akane's girl friends from school. Kuno, Hiroshi and Daisuke had tagged along when they saw the huge group of cute girls, but were upset when they all "wrapped up" and wore shirts and pants instead of more feminine clothing. "Oh, how the heavens weep to see the beauty of such fair maidens hidden so! I must protect you from the ravages of the creature that stalks the night, and put an end to his unholy reign of terror." Kuno looked with distaste at his travelling companions. "And, of course, protect you from the predations of the lecherous Saotome." "Hey!" "When this night is done, you shall all be safe and free." He spread his arms wide. "And then I shall DATE you!" "Delinquent." Miss Ninomiya drained him dry, leaving a withered husk of Kuno, and filling out her own adult form. Hiroshi and Daisuke wisely kept quiet, enjoying the show. "Whose stupid idea was this mob, anyway?" muttered Ukyo. They were just fighting each other. Genma bigsweated. "Look!" He pointed into the darkness. "The pervert!" "Where?!?" As everyone in the mob turned to look, Genma made himself scarce. Only Ranma and Akane weren't tricked. Akane narrowed her eyes. "Hey, wait, I do see something!" A dark form was weaving an uneven path along the rooftops behind them. Ranma saw the figure, too. "Get him!!!" they cried. The two bolted off, leaving the rest of the party confused. Ukyo was berating herself for falling for one of Genma's stupid tricks, and everyone else was wondering who Ranma and Akane were talking about. The only 'him' the girls could see were two schoolboys and the hapless Mr. Tendo... "Uh, ladies...?" asked the mustachioed man. Meanwhile, Ranma had vaulted directly to the rooftop to intercept the stranger. Unfortunately, as he went up, the other person dropped down into the adjacent alleyway that Akane had walked into. A solid crack of knuckle against bone could be heard below. "Akane?!" Ranma immediately jumped back down to where he had heard the noise. He landed at the other end of the alleyway, which was lit by a streetlight above. Stark shadows were everywhere. Akane appeared to be in tears, kneeling on the ground. Ranma grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Are you okay? Did the pervert get you?!?" Much to his dismay, Akane shoved him out of the way and crawled over to a body crumpled by the wall of the building he had just leapt down from. A spiderweb of cracks covered the concrete siding. "I'm SO sorry, Ryoga!" wailed Akane. "I didn't know it was you! I thought you were the panty thief!" "Just what we need," frowned Ranma. It's... It's okay, Akane," mumbled Ryoga. He was rubbing the back of his head, still a little confused about what was going on. "Wait a minute. What's this about a panty thief?" He turned to glare at Ranma. "What has your perverted master been up to while I was gone?!?" "He AIN'T my master!" Akane was helping Ryoga up. "It isn't Master Happosai. There's a new panty thief who's even better than him." Ryoga shuddered. "How could you let this happen, Ranma?!" "Huh?" "This new underwear thief might try to steal Ak- Akane's... p- p-" "P-Chan?" Ranma supplied. "Shut up!" Ryoga reflexively looked at Akane to gauge her reaction, and then continued to yell at Ranma, "You should be trying to stop this thief and protect Akane! And you call yourself a man?" "Hey! Whaddya think we're DOIN' out here?!?" Ryoga, however, was now ignoring Ranma and holding Akane's hands. "Please allow me to protect you from this thief, Akane. I'll help you bring him to justice." Ranma rolled his eyes. "Th- Thanks, Ryoga. We could really use your help!" "Anything for you, Akane. You know I'd..." "Shut up!" silenced Ranma. A person was approaching them from the other end of the alleyway. Hidden within the shadows between the two buildings, only a silhouette could be seen. A silhouette carrying something large over its shoulder. The person was tall, and seemed to slink towards them, reminding Ranma of all the stupid cat analogies the old goat had made. His face twitched. "I'll protect you, Akane!" Ryoga leapt into action, down into the shadows of the alleyway, and grabbed the presumed thief. Akane started to move forward as well, but Ranma held his arm out to bar her way. Something about the figure wasn't right. Ryoga suddenely let out an "eep!" noise, and his head violently pulled back. He collapsed onto the ground, falling back into the light. Akane drew a startled breath at the sight of blood all over Ryoga's face. "His nose... It must be broken!" Ranma crouched low, not wanted to think about what could do that to a walking brick like Ryoga. He soon got his answer as a woman moved halfway into the light. He tried to ignore the lighting effects as they highlighted certain top-heavy elements of her physique. "Uh..." He swallowed nervously. "Another delinquent. He should know better then to grab his elders." "Miss Hinako!?" yelled Akane. "No way!!" added Ranma. "What's going on, teacher?" asked Akane. Ranma's mind was going about as fast as it ever did, and he had realized something horrible. "Of course! It all makes sense now!" Akane turned to look at him. "You've always been able to beat the Master. And after training under him for so long you've picked up his perver--" His commentary was cut off by a quick blow to the head from his teacher. "Don't be disgusting, Saotome! I'M not the pervert here." Miss Hinako stepped forward, making a point of giving the unconscious Ryoga a wide berth. As she had moved fully into the light, they could now see the shape slung over her shoulder. Akane rushed forward. "Dad?!" Miss Hinako carefully slid the unconscious, beaten form of the elder Tendo off her shoulder and onto the ground. "Oh, Dad! The panty thief got him!" Ranma recovered from the blow to his head and looked at the taller man. He noted that most of the bruises were on his arms, indicating that he had blocked most of the attacks. "He must have put up a good fight. I didn't think he had it in him." Akane held her father's hand and looked at Miss Hinako. "Was he able to stop the panty thief? Or slow him down... Are my friends okay!?" Just then, Nabiki and Kasumi walked into the alleyway. Nabiki glanced at the recovering Ryoga, and Akane and Ranma. "You guys finish your 'martial artist duty' and get the panty thief?" She looked at Ryoga as she stepped over him and joined Akane. "Who would have guessed?" Akane glanced back at her bruised father. "Didn't the thief come after you...?" Nabiki smirked. "Friendly fire, I'm afraid." Confusion painted Akane's face. "Those... delinquents started attacking poor Mr. Tendo," explained Miss Hinako. "Well, after they trashed the boys. For some reason, they thought he was the panty thief. "He tried his best, but they all ganged up on him. He never had a chance against a mob of angry schoolgirls. So I drained the lot of them." She held up a fifty-yen coin meaningfully. "Fortunately, Father protected us from the drain," supplied Kasumi. Ranma had had enough of explanations. "Geez, this was all a stupid idea. You girls should never have come along. Just let me take care of this myself." "Ranma's right," agreed Ryoga grudgingly. He had just gotten up and had wiped away his nosebleed. He could only hope that Akane hadn't seen. "The thief could strike anywhere while we talk, and you girls are in danger as long as he is about." "Oh, no!" said Akane. "Oh dear..." said Nabiki. "Oh, my!" said Kasumi. Ryoga and Ranma looked at each other dumbly. Akane glared at them. Well, at Ranma, anyway. "My friends are all unconscious out there!" She pointed to the other end of the alleyway, back from where she had come. "They're sitting ducks!" realized Ranma. He ran out to the sidewalk and found all of the girls with their blouses opened and chest wrappings missing. He quickly turned around and found himself facing Akane. "I didn't look!" "Ranma, what are you doing? We can't leave them like that! We've got to cover them up and get them inside." "Wh- what!?" Ranma stammered. Ryoga looked even more uncomfortable. Kasumi and Nabiki had started taking care of the girls, while Miss Hinako carried back Soun's unconscious body. Ranma couldn't believe what his green-eyed finacee was expecting him to do. "Y- You want me to touch their--" Akane quickly realized where her stupid fiance's thoughts were. "What are you thinking?!? You PERVERT!" She pulled her arm back to slap him when her world started spinning at a fantastic rate. "Akane!" Ranma rushed forward to stop Akane's blurring top-like movement. What had happened? He spread his arms wide and let Akane grind to a halt spinning against him. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw her shirt was open and her bindings had been removed. The strip of cloth must have been yanked off, spinning her like a gyroscope. Her eyes were rapidly moving right to left, and her head was rolling around. Knocked out cold. He looked down to make sure she was okay. He blinked. "They're bigger then I remem--" Ryoga slammed a fist into Ranma's head. "You PERVERT! Stop molesting Akane!!!" Ranma started to respond to the accusation when Kasumi and Nabiki started backing into a wall, looking warily at the skies. "Uh, boys..." "Shit!" Ryoga immediately grasped the situation. While he wanted to help Akane, there wasn't much more he could do for her now. Nabiki and Kasumi needed their immediate help. Miss Hinako pulled out her coin and traced a wide circle in the air. In a blur a small shape whizzed down between her outstretched arms. It resolved into a black-clad person of indeterminate height with a sack over his shoulder. He wore a mask, and his head was covered with a kerchief just like Happosai's. Hinako's eyes went wide as she stared into the eyes of her assailant. Ryoga ran to help her, but the thief leapt up and hopped off of the teacher's head and onto the rooftops. Hinako crumpled, but Ryoga caught her before he she landed against the hard pavement. The thief, in addition to knocking her out somehow, had completely unbuttoned her one-piece. He hadn't found anything, though. Miss Hinako's little-girl form hardly needed to wear a bra. Then again, as Ryoga looked down, he realized this big-girl body most certainly did. Soon his entire body was beet-red from a full-body blush. "Look after Akane!" yelled Ranma. He didn't wait for the older sisters to respond before grabbing the twitching Ryoga away from Hinako and leaping onto the rooftop after the thief. As long as he was on his tail, the other girls should be alright. "C'mon, idiot!" "Who're you calling an idiot, you jerk!" Ryoga snapped out of his daze and started struggling, so Ranma let go of him and he landed on the next rooftop. "I've got to go back and help Akane!" Ranma scowled at him. "Idiot! We have to get the thief NOW or he'll just come and get Akane again later!" Ryoga seemed torn by indecision, but Ranma couldn't wait for a response and let the thief get away, so he bounded off again. Reluctantly, Ryoga found himself agreeing with Ranma (again!). "Hey! Wait up!" He ran hard to catch up with Ranma, who was himself pushing hard to catch up with the thief. The two mostly moved forward, but due to the layout of the houses, occasionally jumped from side to side. He watched as the pig-tailed boy managed to outmaneuver his quarry. While the thief jumped left and then forward, Ranma made a bigger leap to the house forward, and then jumped to the roof on the left. He dropped low and spun his leg where the thief would land, but the thief managed to avoid the blow, flipping backwards, and landing neatly in a low crouch. A bag of booty hung undisturbed over his shoulder. Ranma cursed the fact that he had missed, but he figured that if this pervert was able to beat the old goat, he was bound to have a FEW tricks. The crouched form had purposefully landed on the side of the roof slanted away from the nearby streetlights so as to stay in the shadows. Crouched closely against the surface, Ranma couldn't gauge his height or reach. And the eyes. Happosai had been right. About the only thing he could see were the thief's eyes, which were big and round. Not cat-like at all, he assured himself. The pupils were large and dark, not slits. As he was staring at the thief's eyes, they opened even wider in surprise. If the thief was surprised, he'd best press his offensive advantage. "Let go of that sack, you freak!" He leapt up and launched a flying at the prone body, but it rolled aside and starting leaping away even faster than before. After smashing some roof tiles from his strike, he turned around. "He's scared of something..." Ranma got a cocky grin. No doubt the new freak had heard of his fighting skills and knew he was no match for him. He started to turn around and continue the pursuit when his legs were clipped from behind him. "Gotcha!" Vice-like arms held his legs fast. Lying down and fumbling for leverage, Ranma turned and half-rolled onto his side, twisting his torso around so he could strike the person holding him. "Ryoga, you IDIOT!!" He knuckled the boy in the head, causing him to blink. "Where'd he go?" "Let me go, you idiot. He's getting away!" He kicked his legs free and got up. He paused a moment to find the thief again, and started running, redoubling his speed. He moved so fast that it really seemed like he was running along the rooftops instead of leaping from one to the next. Ryoga quickly followed, so they were running neck and neck. Ever so slowly they closed the distance, following the curving trail across the rooftops of Nerima. When they were only one house behind, Ranma decided he was close enough to try to make another strike. Just as he had the thought, however, a shout from the side distracted him. "I must save Shampoo!" A barrage of chains, knives, and training potties shot through the air. Several of them wrapped around the thief, but more importantly, iron claws pulled the bag off his back. Lingerie and chest-bindings rained from the sky to the ground below. Ranma grinned. He might be stuck fighting with two idiots, but there was no way a pervert was going to run away from his "haul". They had him now. Mousse landed next to the now-fallen thief and grabbed him. "What have you done to my--" The thief kicked his leg over his head and solidly hit Mousse's jaw. The robed boy traced a perfect parabolic arc as he fell to the ground, whimpering, "--Shampoo?" Twisting his legs, the thief first spun on his back and then up onto his feet, causing the ropes and chains to unwind, spinning out and off his body. Ranma and Ryoga ducked the flying items and prepared for a head-on assault. "No running away now, freak!" "You'll pay for what you've done!" "Oh, my!" Ranma looked down in confusion at the third voice, that of Kasumi. What the heck was she doing there? Then he noticed all the other girls. And Akane. The thief had led them in a circle! He glanced back at the thief, who was jumping down into the mass of schoolgirls. If he was anything like the letch, he was going to cop a feel for a quick power-up! Ryoga had apparently realized the same thing, and immediately leapt down, interposing himself in front of Akane. Ranma frowned, but followed a split second later to protect Kasumi and Nabiki. Akane, now recovered, had just run over to Mousse to see if he was okay, when Kasumi had shouted out. Ranma and Ryoga were on the adjacent roof staring down the thief when it seemed like everyone started jumping at her. She screwed her eyes shut awaiting a blow when water splashed on her instead. She opened her eyes to see the a rudely awakened duck next to her, and the pervert in front. He was about her height, wearing slippers and a loose outfit of coarse cloth that covered his entire body. Only his hands were bare. A kerchief was wrapped around his head and under his nose, and he was wearing (of all things) a cold mask. His big, dark eyes seemed to take her in hungrily, and she could imagine a smirk under the mask. Glancing at Mousse and the bucket in the thief's hands, Akane made a quick deduction. "He must know our weaknesses..." Being a fair-tempered person herself, she rarely got into fights, so she hoped the thief would not know her style. She quickly went into a back stance. Her left arm and leg were forward, her right leg supporting her weight below her, and her right hand was held to protect her chest. Only her side presented a target to the thief. Unfortunately, her foot stepped in something round and squishy, throwing off her balance. "Bwee!" P-Chan let out a startled yelp of pain. "Oh, no! P-Chan, what are you doing here?!?" "Pay attention!" Boy-type Ranma streaked from behind Akane, and started fighting the thief hand-to hand. Ranma had an edge in both speed and power, but the thief was fighting pretty well, nonetheless. Mu-Mu Chan had a foot-print on his head and was unconscious again. "Geez, just get out of here, Akane, you'll only get into trouble!" Akane's face twisted in indignation. WHAT did he say? While she cradled poor P-Chan, she yelled at her fiance. "I can take this pervert!" "No way, Akane," he panted between strikes. "You know you can't fight. I can take this guy, easy." Ranma shifted to mid-air combat, one of his specialties. "He beat Master Happosai!" "Anybody can beat that old freak. You just have to know his weakness!" "Nyao!" Instead of attempting a strike or block at the top of their leaps, the thief made a high-pitched meow into Ranma's ear. "Yaaa!" Startled, he failed to keep his center of gravity under himself, and face-planted into pavement. Akane ran over to him, making sure to stay in a fighting stance. Instead of protecting her chest, however, her back hand clutched P-Chan to her bosom. With her forward leg, she booted Ranma. "Get up!" Akane circled him, staying opposite the thief, who was now eyeing her. Ranma had only begun to stir when the thief was on her, attacking with a flurry of blows. Akane could only block about a third of them, as her right hand protected P-Chan. Instead of fists, however, the strikes were finger blows. Were her pressure points being hit?! That didn't make sense, though. The areas being hit were mostly fatty tissue... After a moment she realized the thief was poking her almost exclusively in the chest and rear. Her battle aura soared with her coiled right hand, performed a full uppercut on the thief, who was solidly knocked back. "PERVERT!" A small form made a squeaking noise as it fell it front of Akane. "Oh, NO!!! P-Chan!" She tenderly picked up the KO'ed piglet. Glancing at her right hand, she realized it wasn't holding her pet anymore. She had hurt him again! Tears filled her eyes. "I'm SO sorry!" "Stupid Ryoga." Ranma finally got up, rubbing his face. "Ranma?" Akane exclaimed. "Where did Ryoga go?" "Watch out!" Ranma tackled into Akane, moving her out of the way as the thief descended with raking hands. Ranma's backside caught the attack, shedding his shirt. "Geez, Akane, just get out of here!" He turned back to face the opponent, who was in a familiar stance. One knee in the air, arms up, but hands curled down. Where had he seen that stance? "Nya!" The thief purred happily. "No way!" yelled Ranma. "The Cat-Fist!" added Akane. A loud clack announced the arrival of Cologne, landing perched atop her walking stick. "Stay back, Son-in-Law. This one is too powerful for you." "N- No way. I can take him, he's just a pervert." Akane's voice held some fear. "But he knows the Cat-Fist!" Ranma couldn't argue that, but the shriveled mummy did. "I think not. Your opponent it just using cat-like forms to startle and distract Son-in-Law into fighting poorly. Your weaknesses are known." Akane nodded, having come to the same conclusion. Ranma's fists were clenched, and had an expression that she knew meant he wouldn't give up. Or was about to do something really stupid. "Then we'll just use his own technique against him!" He got up, stared at the thief, and after a few moments, ran away. Cologne muttered, "The Saotome Secret Technique..." Akane just stared. "Can't you guys do anything other then look at Ranma's butt?!?" Nabiki's voice caught the two fighters' attention. They looked at her as she pointed to the thief, who was trying to make a silent getaway. "Hey, get back here!" yelled Akane. She handed P-Chan off to Cologne and started attacking the thief. Cologne just blinked, trying to decide if she was more startled that Akane was trying to fight, or that she was now holding a cute little black pig. Dropping the pig on his head, Cologne hopped forward to dissuade Akane from her actions. "You must not fight this one! Let the thief go." "Death to Perverts!!!" was Akane's reply. Actually, she was putting up a pretty good fight. Then again, the thief wasn't exactly fighting back; he was just looking for an exit, which Akane repeatedly moved (or leapt) to block. After Cologne performed some Amazon pressure-point magic on the fallen students, she briefly considered knocking Akane out to end the dangerous game. There was no telling when the thief would grow weary or nervous, and use more desperate attacks against her. It was then that the thief scooped up the discarded P-Chan and held him by his checkered kerchief, swinging him like a pendulum. "Oh, NO!!!" Akane stopped in her tracks. "Leave him alone! He didn't do anything to you!" She approached the thief as close as she dared. The thief, for his part, was backing up towards a steaming kettle on the ground. "This doesn't look good for Ryoga," muttered Cologne. "P-Chan!" The little pig blearily opened his eyes and looked around. Akane seemed upset, and he was dangling from the neck. Had Azusa grabbed him again? Worse yet, was someone trying to cook him!? He looked up at his captor but only saw a slowly turning kettle about to be poured on him. "Stop picking on P-Chan! You'll scald him!" Eyes half as big as his body, he flailed his tiny little hooved legs as fast as he could. It wasn't helping. "Tee-hee! Oh dear! My blouse seems to be falling apart!" A girl's giggling caught everybody's attention. "..." said the thief. "Oh, god," said Akane. "Son-in-Law," sighed Cologne. P-Chan flailed. Yes, Girl-type Ranma was skipping down the street wearing a lacy black bra, with the ties of her shirt undone. Akane failed to suppress the jealousy she felt at the contrast of the black brassiere against Ranma's pure, milky-white skin, or how certain parts of her fiance's anatomy jiggled as she hopped around. A spot of drool was rapidly making the thief's mask wet. "And this bra is soOOOoo tight! She started fiddling with the catch in the back, arching backwards and giving everyone a better view. Mu-Mu Chan woke up and quickly scampered away from the scary-looking Akane. The thief, hypnotized, started walking towards Ranma and dropped the bucket. Two forms launched into action. Ranma leapt out of his bra... ...and P-Chan clawed viciously at the thief's face. The mask was pulled down to the thief's throat, and the kerchief was unknotted. A cascade of silky dark hair fell out and down the thief's back. Ranma landed, grabbing him firmly from behind. "Aiya!!!" Her firmly. Ranma blinked in confusion. "Shampoo?" "Ranma! What are you two GIRLS doing?!?" She glared at where girl-type Ranma's hands were holding Shampoo's chest. Ranma quickly pulled her hands away and put them behind her back. "I- It's not what it looks like, Akane..." "YOU!" Akane approached Shampoo. "I always knew you were a pervert! You call ME a 'Pervert Girl', but look what you've been up to!" She pointed at the lingerie scattered around and the awakening girls on the ground. Well, they weren't her fault but Akane didn't care. "Uh, I'm sure Shampoo was just being bait. You know, pretend to be another panty thief like Happosai and lure the thief out into another fight. Right, Shampoo?" Shampoo stared at the ground. "Shampoo?" Nervousness crept into his voice. "I KNEW it! You're always hugging and grabbing Ranma even when he's a girl! YOU'RE the REAL 'Pervert Girl'!" As Akane shouted and waved her arms, Shampoo's demeanor became more and more despondent. Her shoulders drooped, her head hung low, and she started to cry. "Is true! Shampoo no want to be pervert, but can't stop!" She hugged Ranma about the waist and started bawling. "Airen, you forgive Shampoo, yes?" Then she started rubbing her cheek into Ranma's chest, still crying. "Aaaaahhh!" Ranma freaked at the weird sensations and tried to push Shampoo away, but she was too persistent. Realizing how useless Ranma was, Akane decided to help, and tried to pry the Amazon off her fiance. Cologne finally spoke up. "I had hoped this day would never come. I worked so hard to prevent it, but it seems it is impossible to escape fate." Soun walked forward. "What's going on here?" He rubbed at the bruises and scratches all over his body. Miss Hinako stood by his side and tended him. "What's wrong with Shampoo?" He pointed at the scene between Akane, Shampoo, and Ranma. Akane had gotten Shampoo off of Ranma, but now she was rubbing her head in Akane's lap. Akane yelled at Ranma to do something, but she was too busy trying to stop a bloody nose. Mu-Mu Chan was paralyzed with fear and dismay. P-Chan put a reassuring hoof on his back. He had been there many times, himself. "The story begins over eighty years ago..." The girls (and two boys) formed a circle around the centenarian. Only Hiroshi and Daisuke paid attention to Akane, Ranma, and Shampoo. P-Chan wanted to help Akane, he really did, but he was scared about being punched, stepped on, or being used as another punching glove. And that kettle of hot water was still too close for his liking. So he settled for being picked up by Sayuri, who scratched behind the ears. "Look, it's Akane's pet piggie. He's so CUTE!" He stretched and bwee'd contentedly. Looking at Sayuri and the poor dumb bird, Yuka decided she wanted a pet, too. She picked the duck up and sat next to Sayuri, listening to Cologne's story. Mu-Mu Chan decided that he liked his "nest" and blissfully rubbed his head against Yuka's chest as she stroked his neck. "As you know, when he was young, Happosai came to our village. He stole our ancient treasures and ran off. A young, proud Amazon, I took it upon myself to stop him, but I was unsuccessful." Cologne sighed. "Rather, he beat me. In single combat. According to Amazon law, I had to give him the Kiss of Marriage, and we were married the very next day..." Ranma boggled. "No way! The old goat is your great-grandfather, Shampoo?!?" "Is too, too tragic!" Akane strained at the Amazon, "Get OFF!" Cologne continued her story. "As is the way of things, we had a child but nine months later." The group shuddered. Better to leave thoughts of the wrinkled mummy unspoken! "Happosai left during his girl's childhood, and the village was glad that his influence was gone. My daughter was a powerful martial artist, who soon grew up, married, and bore Shampoo's mother. She died in childbirth. "As for Shampoo's departed mother... Well, it wasn't until she had grown up and had a child of her own that her symptoms become apparent. She started to have an unnatural fascination with undergarments, and an overpowering desire to... feel... other women." Cologne's face wrinkled in distaste, scaring not a few of the observers. "She tried to fight it for years, but over time had nonetheless accumulated a collection of panties and bras. We had not seen Happosai in years, so we didn't suspect anything of the missing clothes. At the third year after the manifestation of my grand-daughter's symptoms, her collection was no longer enough. During a training fight she gave into her urges and grabbed another Amazon's chest. Holding Shampoo off with a foot while Akane kneeled on her back, Ranma wanted to know, "Why didn't she just grab... herself?" "Alas, she could not satisfy the urges with her own body. Or with her own undergarments. She needed some intangible element that she could not provide for herself. Perhaps it was the scent of a woman. Her nose naturally filtered out her own pheromones." "Damn." Shampoo had crawled out from under Akane. Ranma and Akane struggled to contain the Amazon once again. "So my grand-daughter, Shampoo's mother, had grabbed another warrior during a fight in a... compromising position. No one thought much of it, other than to think she was being a little cruel to use such a distracting tactic. Still, all is fair in the art of war. But she knew. She knew she could not hold it off anymore. Having tasted the forbidden fruit, she had to have more. "Although the perversions had been working on my grand-daughter for years, she was still proud. Still an Amazon warrior. She came to me and admitted everything. She would end the disgrace the only way she knew how: honorable suicide. I did not stop her; what could I say? She had tried her best to stop what she was. I could do no more. "So I took in Shampoo as my own child. I was wary from the start that she might develop the same traits as her mother, so I trained her hard, to be the best warrior in the village. If no one could defeat her, she would never marry. I hoped to prevent her from having thoughts about sex. Thoughts which might quickly turn to thoughts of perversion." Cologne glanced at Ranma. "You can imagine my horror, of course, when Son-in-law defeated Shampoo. Would the Kiss of Death be enough to trigger the monster lying dormant in Shampoo's genes? I wouldn't know for sure until she came back from Japan. And when she said she had fallen in love with a girl... Well, it was too much for my old bones. "I took her to Jusenkyo. I had to train her again. Harder then ever before to purge the perversion from her. It could be done. I had to believe it. But I pushed her too hard. I should never have taken her to Jusenkyo. As you know, she fell in the Spring of Drowned cat. "Strangely enough, she became ecstatic. The girl Ranma with whom she had fallen in love must have also fallen in the springs. She realized that her love wasn't a girl who turned into a boy, but a boy that turned into a girl. She didn't have to feel disgraced about loving the girl. "Too bad she hadn't told me about the gender switching in the first place; I could have told her the truth from the start. I wouldn't have been so upset and taken her to the cursed training grounds. As it was, she was cursed for nothing...." Kasumi was moved, "What a tragic story!" "Stop touching me!" "Yes. Well, that's where I come into the story. I figured that as long as Shampoo associated any... urges... towards Ranma's girl-type body with her attraction to Ranma the person, she might be okay. Just to be sure, however, I came to Nerima to keep an eye on her. "It had been going so well, too. But Son-in-law has not been attentive to his wife as he should be--" "Hey!" shouted Akane. "Excuse me?" added Ukyo. "--And she has not been able to have... close contact with his girl-type body. As such, she had no outlet for the urges she had been feeling the past few months. She still has enough resistance not to grab a real girl," Cologne made a point of not looking at the menage-a-trois occurring nearby, "but she couldn't stop herself from..." Cologne started to break down, sniffling, "...from collecting women's underwear! Oh, the horror! The horror!" "An amazing story," noted Soun. "But it explains so much." "Indeed, Tendo," nodded Genma. Ukyo blinked. Where had he come from? Akane had finally managed to pour some water on Shampoo and dump her in a wicker basket. Ranma eyed the shifting basket warily as sounds of a cat yowling and sharpening her claws could be heard from within. "Well, that's one less 'fiancee' Ranma has to deal with." Akane smiled. "Yeah!" chimed in Ukyo. "My Ranchan's not going to marry a pervert!" "Yes," confirmed Akane, staring meaningfully at the crossdresser. Ranma was too busy watching the basket to comment. Cologne chuckled. "Ah, but girls, Son-in-law is the only one for Shampoo." "And just why is THAT?" asked Ukyo. "Why, Ranma is the only one who can satisfy Shampoo's perverted nature without really being perverted. No one can blame Shampoo for grabbing her husband's breasts, or making a collection of his panties and bras, right? This way, we don't have to worry about her terrorizing innocent girls." "..." "..." "What?!?" Ranma didn't like the sound of that. "No WAY am I going to stay a girl! I'm gonna find a cure, you old ghoul. And I'm SURE as hell not gonna wear a bra or panties for no one!" "I think not, Son-in-Law." Cologne swung her stick, and poked it rapid-fire into various points along Ranma's chest. "Wha...?" Dread filled Ranma. "What did you do to me THIS time?!?" "That was the Cracked Leather Shiatsu Technique. From now on, your chest is supersensitive to being pulled or stretched. If you turn into a girl, the weight of your own breasts will bring you unbearable pain!" "N- No way..." But she could tell. Already the top of her chest was getting mighty uncomfortable. "Ranma..." "Ranma-honey..." "Why couldn't this have happened to Akane? She's so flat-che-- URK!" Akane twisted her elbow into Ranma's head. "Honestly, you are such a JERK!" Ukyo pulled her fiance away from the violent tomboy. "Don't worry, Ranma, you can always wear a chest-wrap!" She smiled brightly and tugged at her top to show her own wrapping. "We'll make a perfect couple!" It was then that she noticed she wasn't wearing her wrapping. She peered down her top but didn't see anything but the usual suspects. Ranma tried to nonchalantly cross her arms under her chest. It was really starting to hurt now. "Man, this sucks." "No worries, Ranma!" Shampoo spoke from behind him. "Huh?" "You need support, Shampoo give you all support you need!" She kneeled behind him and cupped Ranma's breasts with her hands. Ranma sat up and spun around. "THAT kind of support I don't nee-- YIKES!" Next to the overturned kettle kneeled Shampoo, naked as a newborn kitten. Instinctively Ranma covered her eyes so they wouldn't fall out of their sockets. Ukyo frowned. She had just given Ranma a free show of her top and she hadn't reacted at all! That... stupid... "JACKASS!" "You no hit Airen!" "You're you to talk, you naked pervert bimbo!" "Yeah, sugar, you've got no say in this anymore." "At least Shampoo like boys!" she yelled at Akane. "What!?!" "And dress like real girl!" "When you DO dress, little barbarian!" "Shampoo beat you all!" "You're on!" "Whenever you're ready!" A handsome man interrupted the burgeoning fight. "Ladies, you must not fight! Please, let us make love, not war!" "Kuno!" "Ah! My pig-tailed goddess!" "Aaah! Get OFF!!" A shriveled man jumped into the party. "Ah, so see the fruit of my loins has grown up in her great-grandfather's image!" "Aiya!" "Yuck!" "Gross!" "Bleh." "What manner of beast is this?!?" "I must have instinctually known you were my descendent during our fight last night. That is why I suddenly lost my fighting spirit. Plus, I could never hurt a cutie like you! Come, let us practice the family art together!" "Ranma belong Shampoo!" "Akane!" A lone pigtailed girl struggled against multiple groping, pulling attackers. "I bet you LIKE them doing that to you, you pervert!" "Akane?" The others had long since walked away, but Hiroshi and Daisuke stood by the side crying. "This is the happiest day of my life!" "Next time we should being along Gos and his camera!" "help?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Completed 1998-10-04 Last modified 1999-03-26 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "I don't understand it, Co-Lon. All the younger amazons have become exceedingly violent of late. They perceive insult at the slightest thing, and give each other Kisses of Death. But when they fight, they don't use weapons, and they never strike, or use joint locks or throws. All they do is grab each other. I don't understand it, Co-Lon. What could it be?" Cologne sighed into the phone, and thanked again whatever god had allowed her to be in Japan instead of staying in China. She would much rather be dealing with her great-granddaughter's problems then those of the entire tribe. If you could call what she was doing dealing with the problem. Sometimes she thought she should have just drugged Son-in-Law and dragged him back to China. Shampoo could have her way with him before anybody knew what was going on. But that wouldn't be any fun. She was growing old; she deserved to be pampered and entertained. And Japan was a hell of a lot more exciting then the village. Torturing "Son-in-Law" was providing her entertainment in spades. She didn't feel bad about it. After all, she was teaching him powerful techniques, so she had a right to take some "payment" in return... Frowning, she listened to the Amazon from home, and muttered some meaningless, reassuring words. They wanted her back in the village and to join the ruling council as an elder, but she wanted nothing to do with them. She had had enough with their stupid laws. The same stupid laws that made her marry a STRONG man, to get bring STRONG genes into the village. The laws that made her a mother of six. A grandmother of 45. A great-grandmother of 311. And all of them beautiful young women with STRONG genes...