------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Ranma 1/2 "An Emotional Day" Hard Battle Story by Douglas MacDougall ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Ranma 1/2 (c) Rumiko Takahashi / Shogakukan * Kitty Film * Fuji TV. Exclusively licensed throughout the United States and Canada by Viz Communications, Inc. This fan fiction is for private home use only; it may be freely redistributed, but not altered or used for profit. Not Rated. Parental Guidance Suggested. ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Part 2 Fathers Know Best! The Pregnancy Power Law of Practice. ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- KASUMI: Oh, my! [Having entered the change room, Kasumi sees girl-type Ranma sitting on her butt on the floor, with Akane kneeling next to her. Ranma is wearing boxers, T-shirt, and one of Kasumi's gowns from the hamper. None of it conceals Ranma's very pregnant belly.] KASUMI: Let's get you into the living room, shall we? [Ranma is still shaking her head in denial] AKANE: I don't think I can carry him alone, Kasumi. KASUMI: We'll just get father and Mr. Saotome to help. RANMA: No way! No WAY the old man's seeing me like THIS!! PANDA: [outside door] Bowf? AKANE: [running to the door and slamming it shut] Girls only! SIGN: [under door] I'm sorry, Akane. AKANE: So Kasumi... FLIPPED-SIGN: [under door] Of course I'd be happy to get my ungrateful son out of your way, girls. AKANE: ... KASUMI: Oh! I forgot to tell you. Breakfast is ready, Mr. Saotome. PANDA'S VOICE: Mrowf? [pause] Nrowf. [Akane listens to Genma's footsteps leading away, when the door opens again, bumping into her ear.] AKANE: I SAID, "girls only"! NABIKI'S VOICE: That had better not be a snipe at my dating life, little sister. [forces door open and enters] So where's the party? RANMA: [groans and clutches belly] NABIKI: Whoops, looks like I already missed it. KASUMI: We're not sure what to do with Ranma. I really think we should bring her into the living room where we can make her more comfortable, but she doesn't want her father to find out... GENMA: [perched in window, and dripping wet] Too late! You can't keep secrets from me, boy! Now why did I have to go to the kitchen to... [boggle] RANMA: ... [Genma falls out the window in shock.] RANMA: I suppose that went about as well as can be expected... [wince] KASUMI: Father! SOUN'S VOICE: Yes, Kasumi? KASUMI: Father? Can you help me with something in the bathroom? [Soun comes into the bathroom, somehow not noticing Ranma writhing on the floor, Akane kneeling next to him in concern, or Nabiki brushing her teeth.] SOUN: Yes, Kasumi? What can I do for you? KASUMI: Well, Ranma needs to see a doctor, and we can't carry her out of the bathroom... SOUN: What! Ranma is hurt? What about Akane? Is she alright? If he- AKANE: [cutting off rant] I'm fine, dad. It's Ranma who needs help. And he's not precisely... hurt. SOUN: So why do you need to see a doctor, Ranma? RANMA: Uh... KASUMI: Why, she's going to have a baby! [smiles beatifically] SOUN: [blink blink] KASUMI: Isn't it wonderful? [Soun flees the bathroom.] AKANE: Geez, Dad... KASUMI: It's been such a long time since we had a baby in the house! [looks lovingly at Akane]. AKANE: [blushing] Now is not the time for childhood stories. RANMA: Well, our fathers bailed out. I guess we're going to have to rely on Akane's brute strength. AKANE: [indignant] Hey! [Suddenly, in a whirlwind a motion, Soun comes into the room with bags of packed luggage. He gingerly scoops up Ranma, and runs back out with the whole load.] SOUN: Don't worry, dear! We'll be at the hospital in no time! RANMA: [blinking] Dear? NABIKI: Ingrained behavior! AKANE: What? NABIKI: Think of all the times Dad took Mom to the hospital. He's had so much practice that he can take care of everything in just a few minutes! AKANE: [awed] Wow... SOUN: What's wrong? [We see Ranma clinging to the doorframe as Soun attempts to carry her out of the house.] NABIKI: ...Or rather, he's had so much practice, he takes care of everything without any conscious thought. Which is what we're seeing right now. AKANE: ... RANMA: [shaking head] Let go!!! SOUN: But dear, you... RANMA: I'm not leaving the house! No WAY anyone's gonna see me like this!! SOUN: But you look beautiful! You're so radiant when you're pregnant. You're... [blink blink] You're not my wife. RANMA: [smacks head] AKANE: SOUN: Ranma? RANMA: Will you put me down, now!?! SOUN: [gingerly puts Ranma down] My daughter's fiance... Is pregnant! [eye waterfall time] AKANE: [helping Ranma into the living room] Geez, Dad. NABIKI: I called Dr. Tofu. He'll be over in a few minutes. SOUN: [pauses from his lamentations] Thank you, Nabiki. [Akane has now helped Ranma onto a tatami mat. Once again Ranma is lying down, and Akane is kneeling next to her. As Ranma clutches her belly, Akane holds her hand.] KASUMI: So Ranma, how far apart are the contractions? RANMA: [confused] What's a contraction? KASUMI: Has your water broken? RANMA: [panic] Huh? What does THAT mean?!? KASUMI: Well, I guess I should just get things ready for Doctor Tofu. [Kasumi steps into the kitchen. After a few minutes Ranma's pain has stopped.] NABIKI: So, Ranma... Who's the father? RANMA: [startled] ... AKANE: [confused] Father? NABIKI: [voice of common sense] Think about it, Akane. If Ranma's the mother, there has to be a father. AKANE: That's right... How could I have forgotten? [dangerously calm] You went out... as a GIRL...with someone ELSE... behind my BACK... and got yourself PREGNANT!?! [otherworldly flames flicker about her] [Ranma remembers her dream: "This heavenly date was slow but sure in coming. Long have I waited for this day, pig-tailed girl! My faithful (if twisted) sister has finally put her alchemy to good use. Now Saotome is forever gone and you are mine!"] RANMA: I can't believe she drugged me! AKANE: She? No, who's the FATHER, Ranma? It can't be a girl! GENMA: [appearing out of nowhere] Why not? I mean, the mother's a guy. [scratches head] NABIKI: My, this IS an interesting development. [amused] AKANE: [punting GENMA] YOU stay out of this! AKANE: The mother is... a woman? [blushes] RANMA: It was... AKANE: You didn't... with another woman?!? [fearful] NABIKI: Ranma's just full of surprises today. [grins] RANMA: ...Kuno! [saucer eyes] NABIKI: [frowns] Did I miss something, here? AKANE: What's to miss? Ranma slept with Kuno. [eyebrow twitches] NABIKI: So what about the "she" Ranma mentioned? RANMA: K-Kodachi. AKANE: [winds up with her trusty shinai] BOTH OF THEM!?!?! You PERVERT!! NABIKI: [holding sword at top of swing] You aren't really going to beat a pregnant woman, are you? AKANE: Oh... RANMA: Pregnant... woman? [eyes bubble up] AKANE: Ranma? RANMA: No! I'm a guy! A GUY!!! [holding stomach] I'm a gu... a gu... a.. a guuurl! I'm having a BABY!!! [Ranma's world falls apart.] RANMA: You've... you've gotta help me, Akane! I... I can't go through with this! Yo-you've gotta DO something! AKANE: What can I do?!? RANMA: I don't know! You're a girl! You've gotta know SOMETHING! AKANE: What, NOW I'm not sexless?!? [RANMA gets a crazed look, like when he's surrounded by cats.] RANMA: I'm a girl, I'm having a baby, and Kuno's the father!!! AKANE: Calm down! RANMA: [sits up] And my stomach about to burst! [wince] [Nabiki scribbles something down] RANMA: I know! I'm NOT pregnant! It's just an alien trying to burst out of my body! AKANE: ... NABIKI: Well something's coming out, anyway. RANMA: Just give me some baking soda. That'll take care of its acid blood! [twitch] AND take care of this gas! Two birds with one stone! Nya ha Ha HA Ha ha! AKANE: When will Tofu get here...? ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- End Part 2 Preview of Part 3: ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- KASUMI: Oh, my! You're going to be a mommy, soon! [...] RANMA: I'm a MAN! [...] AKANE: You mean he can't change back?! [...] TOFU: Please calm down, Ranma. You're making this difficult. [...] SIGN: This is for your own good, boy! [...] SOUN: What will the neighbors think? ------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Next Time: What a Coincidence, Meeting Here, of all Places! Tofu Delivers! ------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------